3 am.

Listening To : Dead Is The New Alive -- Emilie Autumn
Activity[s] : Avoiding sleep..
Eating : Tortilla chips.

I was such a fucking SPAZZ today.
SUCH a spazz.
I seriously wonder why the fuck anyone ever puts up with me, because really? Id throw me off a tall building.

It might be because I haven't properly eaten in two days, I'm not really sure.
Low blood sugar?
I'm actually seriously thinking that's what it is. Makes sense.

But everything was freaking me out today.
Everything.

At first it was the fact all my cousins wanted to do was drink.
Seriously.
At like, 11 am, theyre like "I really feel like getting hammered."
And then I kept hearing things about how they were going to sneak shit from my dad's bar.
If you havent seen my dads bar, then there is no way you could ever imagine it.
It is EPIC. Truly.

And I dont know if you know this, but I am not a drinker.
At all.
Im sure you've like, seen or heard of times when I have drank..?
I get sick before I get drunk.
The only time I ever got drunk was after drinking like, 5 shots of this [kickass!] whiskey, and all that happened was I couldn't walk quite right for 20 minutes.
Of course, when I got home after the Christmas parade [good time to get drunk, good lord. x.x], I felt like shit and puked. Yay!
But yeah.
I DONT DRINK.
Its fucking illegal, anyway.
And while I do a hell of a lot of illegal things, I dont do anything thats going to fuck up my body / thought processes / etc in ANY way.

You might not know this about me. You should, but you might not.
My cousin didn't, but only cause I never talk to him.
I. Hate. When people don't act like themselves.
It scares the fucking shit out of me.
Thats why I dont live with my mum.
So when I am the one acting fucking stupid [or just unable to walk...], then.. no. Its not okay.
Plus I hate puking.

Anyway.
Its disrespectful, anyway.
Its our house, our rules...
Bugs me.

BUT THEN WHAT MAKES IT WORSE.
Okay so.
Everyone kept going back on what they were saying about it.
My dad randomly decided he didn't care, and Eileen and Leah.
Gaaaah.
I had gone out to chill, cause I was like, near tears for some 2 hours straight.
And so I had told them why I was flipping out.

So I went away and came back however much later.
And fucking Alyssa was drinking a pina colada, and Leah was offering to make Jordan a drink, because he'd gone in to get one and failed.
And Eileen went so far as to ask /me/ if I wanted anything.
To which I was like "FUCK NO I DONT."

...

I cannot believe Derek fucking put up with me all. night.
I was being a bitch to him half the time, in tears, totally unstable.
I dont fucking know.
And like. He's dealing with all his own shit, which is like, 27348274 times worse than mine.
And its just like.
Gaaaaaaaaaah.

Being me is so hard sometimes.
I never actually know what to do.