WITH A BITE.

I explained sex to my brother this morning..

Took half an hour.

Covered procreational uses, recreation uses, and masturbation.
Believe me, you guys.. Its NOT fun to explain. xD
Well.. It was actually pretty funny. Haha.
Poor kid. Hes traumatized. But he had to know.
And he asked.

Ill give you some quotes. ><

"You know how sex works, right?"
"Yeah."
"Alright, then how does sex work?"
"Uuhhh... Well, I kinda know, but not really..."
"Well what /do/ you kknow?"
"Well, I know that when a man doesnt want to get a woman pregnant, he puts this.. thing --"
"A condom?"
"I KNEW IT."


"Okay. And what do you do with the penis?"
"... Uhh.. You transfer genes?"
"How?"
".. I DONT KNOW."
"You dont know what you do with the penis?"
".. No?"
"Well it has to make contact..."
"With what?"
"The woman!"
"Oh. Um..."
"WHERE DOES THE PENIS MAKE CONTACT?"
"I DONT KNOW."


"Is it called the vagina?"
"YES. Now what is a vagina?"
"I dunno. I know its something only women have."
".. Well, thats getting somewhere."


"So then the semen--"
"Is semen like dark matter that we cant see?"
"... What the fuck?! NO!"


And.. My finger was our makeshift penis, and I have long fingernails, so Im like "Its a penis WITH A BITE."

And I should really stop now. xD

Things I miss.. Oh yes.

Listening To : Foundations - Kate Nash
Drinking : Water
Activity(s) : Writing a roleplay post, doing World homework, chatting online, singing badly. ;D

It is common knowledge that there are occasions when I need to be reminded to update my blog. This was one of those times.

So.
Um.

Today I went downtown with Amanda Wells.
It was incredibly fun, lol. I havent hung out with one of my friends in MONTHS. Literally. Months.
So it was the coolest thing evar.
We got frenchfries, and only frenchfires, at McDonalds. The people thought we were weird.
Weird people.
We also went pee in Saks.
Only went pee. Nothing else. That store freaks me out. xP

So. Ive decided to compile a list of things I used to love to do that I miss doing now.

- Talking on the phone with Zachary
- Talking on MSN with Peter and Kara
- Talking/Roleplaying with Paige... Leopards giving blowjobs, woo!
- My roleplay with Rachel.. It was so ridiculous. xD
- Eating quesadillas.. I just.. Dont like them anymore. ><
- Actually /talking/ to April.
- Going to Mt. Carmel.. I miss Ray Nowak. Go figure.
- Simple pleasures. Like touching a guy's hand, and dying in a fit of squeals.
- Playing Sims for hours on end. And hours. And even MORE hours. And /enjoying/ it.
- Thinking I am invincible.
- Going to Mr. Long's math class(es).
- "The fan blew my skirt up!" "Yeah, straight up."
- Dancing around to Britney Spears.
- Driving down the driveway on my mommy's lap.
- Playing silly games with Jessica. <3
- Thinking 'doing crack' was beating the sidewalk with a hammer till it cracked.
- Having my parents never /dream/ of mentioning sex to me.
- Adoring Barbie dolls...
- Not having a boyfriend.. ><
- Not having to shave my legs. xD
- Preschool. I miss being obsessed with Tyler, and fighting over which way was right, and which was left.
- "Shaina-nut, peanut, Alyssa-nut, walnut, cashew nut, cat-nut, lamp-nut".
- Shaina in general... Shaina Street.. xD
- Not worrying about what I look like..
- Being somewhat artistic.
- Being imaginative.
- Having my Grandpa Paul obsessively clean my nails.
- "Feeding the animals" with sugar water in my grandma's backyard, and purposely putting a whole bunch of sugar in mine, cause I knew wed drink it while looking out at the Bay Bridge at the top of the garden.
- Being.. little.

Boiled cheese.

Listening To : Death Goes To Disco - Goodnight Nurse
Eating : Nachos.
Drinking : Water, of course.
Activities : Reading Questionable Content (the comic...), MSN-ing, squirming cause my panties are not comfy...

So I just did something stupid..
My mom and brother were talking about the war with Mexico, and Perry goes "Our history books make us sound so cool!"
And mum goes "I bet the Iranian history books dont..."
And Im like ".. .What did we do to them?"
And mum goes ".. Alyssa. Iran. Think about it."
And Im like "OH. I thought it was Irania, and I was still trying to figure out where that was..."

And..
I just found cheese in my bra.
CHEESE BOOBS.

...
Everything that comes from my lips or from my fingers is ridiculous today.
This is what reading QC is doing to me.
I blame Olivia.
Damn her. XD

I got an A on my math test today!111oneoene
Yay me!
And my keys arent working..
I hope there is no cheese in them...
I hate cheesy keys...

I just had to make a playlist called "Im In A Good Mood... Yeah."
Cause we were getting tired of music that was all emo and depressing. xD
AFI was playing, and I was like "... This isnt suiting my mood."
So yeah.
Nelly Furtadoooooo. xD

Also.
Boiled cheese = love.
If you put nachos in the microwave for long enough..
Mmm.
Its crunchy and cheesy and chewy and yummy and orgasmic.

xD
My mom is like "Can we watch LOST yet?"
And Im like "I dunno, Ill go check as soon as I finish doing my blog..."
And she says "Oh. Isnt a blog kind of like a 'Im great and this is what I do' thing?"
I lol-ed. xD
Im so not great.
Har.

... Im gonna get yelled at for that.
"YOU ARE GREAT. SHUT UP."

Do do do do do dooo.

Listening To : Maneater - Nelly Furtado
Drinking : Water
Activity(s) : Biology homework...

So Im laying on the floor, singing badly, learning about bacteria in biology.
Which is seriously creepy.
Some can go from 1 to 1 million in less than 5 hours.
Ewwwww. x.x

I had more Cadbury eggs today.
I think Im obsessed.
And my mom told me I eat too many of them, but I was like "But.. We have to take advantage of it!!"

So i shouldnt be blogging, but I looked out the front door, and it inspired me to write about..
Well, nothing, really. xD
I couldnt think of anything to write about, but I wanted to write.
So here I am.... Rambling.


(Lol. Rise Against came on, and my mom was like ".. They sound like the ones that do Ohio Is For Lovers." And Im like ".. Hawthorne Heights? Really?" And she goes ".. Yeah, kinda.")

So my tongue hurts.
I need someone to kiss it and make it better.
;D

The Best Entry Title Ever

Listening To : Girl's Not Grey - AFI
Eating/Drinking : That super sexy AIR stuff.
Activity(s) : Well.. Im supposed to be sleeping, if that counts for anything.

----

So.
Alyssa has a really hard time holding onto a guy, it seems.
Cause once again.
Yours truly is single.
Which..
I dunno if Im happy or not.
Of course, I broke up with him, upholding the "Ive never been broken up with" tradition...
Does that make me a whore?
Someone said I have a subconscious fear of being dumped, so I do the dumping.
I responded with "o.O".

Oh holy wow.
I just used the spellcheck in Firefox.
Im in looooove.

Anyway.

New things in Alyssa's life... -thinks-

The other day I found a lamp in the trash.
And it totally works. o.o
But.
The cool thing?
Its a Tanqueray bottle. ;D
Kicks ass, oh yes.

My mommy got me this kick ass book.
Yeah.
Its cool.

I learned how to make these little potato things with potatoes (obviously), eggs, and matzo ball mix.
Which is awesome.
Cause thats like, the only food we have.
So its handy when Im starving to death.
(Which I usually am..)

My bathroom is still neat. o.O
Which is crazy.
I keep all the clothes in one corner.
ONE.
CORNER.
Amazing. -dies-

This is an important one.
I decided (realized, actually..).
That even though I told myself I wouldnt care about Nik anymore..
I totally care.
Like a lot.
And.
I miss him.
A shitload.
Damn him for living far away.
Bastard.

So yeah.
Im done now.
I need to sleep and shit.

Much love, from the Alyssa.
Who is freezing ass cold.
(Ive never understood that phrase...)

Number 100

This is my 100'th post.

And really.
All I have to say is...

[dory food] says :
It wasn't pleasant.
Blake says :
Well duh.

Id be a bit more phased if my girlfriend told me she had a dream where I called her just so she could listen to my kill myself.
Wouldnt you?