ive officially gone insane.
officially, now.

im seeing fairies.
they dance and sing on my coffee table.
and they mock me.
and laugh.
and have scary faces.
and no matter where i go, they dont leave me alone.
halp.

and.
i love someone.
with all my heart.
and i think.
that he hates me.
cause.
im crazy.

not worthy to be loved, anyway.
not by anyone.
craaazyy.
fairies?

i need booze.
nao.
and we have none.
gah.

Why do i always have to think of a title..?

I randomly thought of something...

So once I was watching this movie, and they were gonna hang this guy. So, being evil bastards, they gave his daughter a gun, and said "If you can shoot the rope, your daddy will fall, and we wont kill him.", knowing shed miss.
And sure enough, she ended up killing her dad.

It was so sad.. You could tell he knew shed miss, cause she'd never fired a gun, and he was still telling her shed make it, that hed be okay...

Can you imagine...?
Ugh.
Just wanting to save your dad, and ending up killing him yourself.
So yeah, she ended rto grow up and shoot the shit out of them.
But still.

Im crying all over again. -rolls eyes-
I cry to much.

And.
Im a fucking moron.
Im going around hurting people for.. no reason, really.

I need to fucking think before I speak.
Even though I thought I did....

... My life. D:

What beauty.
False. False beauty.
Once a pretty face, marred by tears.
A red nose, swollen eyes.
Eyelashes wet, stuck into little clumps.
Its a cold night,
She pulls the blanket around her tighter.
Nothing.
Her body is chilled the bone, shaking with sobs.
What a terrible feeling.
Loss.
That places it perfectly.
Cold.
Cold.
Cold.
All she can think of is the cold,
Pulling at her skin.
A perfect sensation.
Better than pain.
Better than heat.
Better than nausea.
Cold.

Im not okay. :DDD

Okie dokie.

xD I love this song.
"Im not o-fucking-k."

Anyway.
Im hungry.
And theres no food for me to attempt to eat.
Even my ungodly collection of pudding is gone.
My brother ate it all. D:
Fat pig.

The other night.. Umm.. The 13th I think..
I wrote a super long blog post.
But its stuck on my other computer. D:
Id burn it to a disk, but that computer doesnt work that way!
Gah.
It was awesome.
Long.
Very long.
With lots of thoughts on things...
Lovely. :D

So, instead of enlightening you on what I write about at 11pm, Im eating babyfood, feeling sick and miserable.
Yay!

Oh. I went to the neurologist today.
He was a babe.
Totally.
PLUS.
Hes one of the best for like, hundreds of miles.
Ooooh wow.
He was so nice too. :D
Nice, cute, smart.. Probably rich... <33
[Im so shallow]

So.
Ummm..
What else.

Arch has a sister named Alyssa.
Thats so weird. o.O
Like.. Wtf.

And now my mother is annoying me.
While Im trying to listen to music.
And ignore her.
AND SHE WONT LET ME.
That ho.
Whats her problem. D:

By the way.
My ear wont stop hurting.
Its depressing. :p

I hate myself and I want to die. :]

Isnt that nice? DDDD:

Im tired of being sick.
My friends fail at life.
Im miserable.

Bah.

Ill add more.. Later. :[

Hungry peoples! Wee!

Okie dokie.
Not everyone is as lucky as you.
Sitting on your ass on a computer reading blogs..
Pfft.
Hell no.

So help out the hungry folks, while ENRICHING YOUR MIND.
Its a 2 for 1 deal!
Maybe hungry people /are/ better!

...
No.
They dont have CHIPS.
Heh.
Anyway.

www.freerice.com

Its all.. Vocabulary-tastic.
I stay at about level 33, and just donated 2000 grains.
What level can /you/ stay at...? How much rice can /you/ give?

[Yes, thats a challenge... Im trying to be motivational!]

Note : Its totally awesome. 10 grains for each right answer. Dooo it. :] Youll feel nice.
I just fed several small children.
That would have DIED.
Wouldn't you feel nice too?

Whooosh.

Story of my life :

[O]ccupied [J]apan -- Magnus cervi sunt in meus villa! says:
Howre you?
oh hush, puteri. xo. says:
Gooood' you?
[O]ccupied [J]apan -- Magnus cervi sunt in meus villa! says:
Sick.
[O]ccupied [J]apan -- Magnus cervi sunt in meus villa! says:
But AWESOME
[O]ccupied [J]apan -- Magnus cervi sunt in meus villa! says:
Cause neopets has the most KICKASS GAME EVER.
oh hush, puteri. xo. says:
ROFL.

So anyway.
Im super sick.
Like actually /sick/.
I have a cough and everything.
Lucky me, yeah?

Yeah.
Oh joy of joys. -rolls eyes-

I might get to go to lunch with my daddy tomorrow and have super spicy Mongolian food.
Ooooh, Id be in heaven. :D
Its be good for me, too.

:D

Simonaaaa.

Oi. That song.. I love it soooooo muuuuch.
I have it playing. :]
I think James Blunt should rule the world. ^-^;
Im still trying to understand it, though.
Im thinking Ill look up the video. :p

...

Damn.
He'll never cease to amaze me.
Watch it. Its intense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7Cd5LwV6eg

Im gonna go back to feeling like crap now, lulz. <3

Pretty song. [:

1973
James Blunt

Simona
You're getting older
Your journey's been
Etched on your skin

Simona
Wish I had known that
What seemed so strong
Has been and gone

I would call you up everyday Saturday night
And we'd both stay out till the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

Simona
Wish I was sober
So I could see clearly now
The rain has gone

Simona
I guess it's over
My memory plays our tune
The same old song

I would call you up everyday Saturday night
And we`d both stay out till the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

I would call you up everyday Saturday night
And we'd both stay out till the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

I would call you up everyday Saturday night
And we'd both stay out 'til the morning ligh
tAnd we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always beIn a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973

sum non laetus. :(

Translation : I am not happy.

Now.
Since I didnt go to school, Im not allowed to use the computer.
So while mater is off doing whatever she's doing, I need to get this written. Lulz.
Yessum, I didnt go to school. Again.
God.
I fail so hard.
It makes me want to cry, really.
I only /just/ woke up. Its 3 in the afternoon. o.o;
Yeaaaahhhh.

And. Since Im not allowed to use the computer...
Im running out of things to do.
Like...
Ive read 5 books in the last 2 days.
LIke.. Woaha.

Im curious..
As to what would happen if I stopped trying to eat altogether...
Would I get all super scary skinny...?
Hmm.

Im super paranoid about my mom getting home.. :p
Whenever I hear a car door shut Im like "Onoes!"

Anyway.
Im pissed.
Thoroughly.
Because.
I have crazy people telling me all I have to do is believe Im gonna get better.
...
Right.
And once I do that, A flying pig will come and sing its congratulations. -rolls eyes-
Jesus.
Life doesnt work like that.
Ever.
Reminds me of that creepy Secret book Perry's yiayia gave my mom. -shudders-

Oh.
I feel so alone.
No one has bothered to call me.
ALL WEEK.
Really.
It makes me shiver.
I feel so.. Alone.

Plus, my friends have taken to pretending Im not there.
Like.. Ellen and Kristen were talking, and theyre like "Oh! We can tell Amanda!"
And Im sitting there like "... Riiight."
Im thinking I should give up on them.. But I couldnt do that.
Ellen and Kristen.. Ive known since Kindergarten.
Thats a /long/ time.
But, Im severely annoyed.
I keep trying to tell Ellen that...
And she just kinda ignores me.
Even though I know she knows theres /something/ up...
-sigh-

Everyone just seems so fake lately.

Magnus cervi sunt in meus villa!!!

Latin, ftw.

Yes, I can say "Large deer are in my house."
Bite me.
I bet /you/ couldn't.
Silly, silly people.

My god, I cannot type. xD

So anyway.

Im super sad, cause I didnt get to go to school today.
I wanted to.
I was really trying, actually.
Made it 3 days in a row.
I was going for the whole week.
First time in /ages/ I would have.
But noooooo.
Fucking body.
It hates me. I swear it.

So instead I slept. And read.
And slept. And read.
And slept MORE.

Made myself a quesadilla...
Accidentally poured boiling water on my arm.
Im lucky I didnt get burnt, rofl.

And, FINALLY, my internet works.
Huzzah.

:DDD

Im deviantart obsessed tonight.
:D

Its exceptionally fun, though.
Plus, Im happily being.. Alyssa-y.
Which is lovely.
Always.
;]

Ive had a good day.
I had a lovely conversation with my doctor.
Its a good thing I like the person I spend so much time with.

Batool [I think thats how she spells it..] and I decided Alex must be destroyed.
And Blue. <3
Midget Kid hugged me.
Twas random.
To the MAXXXXX.

...Yeah.

So maybe I should add a bit more to that.

Im /not/ naive, for the record.
I dont think life is all frilly and nice and lovely.
And land /does/ make a difference.
It doesnt matter what I think.
Im here. Not there.
For the record.

Fuck the girl, for all I care.
Of course I care!
Jesus.
-sob-
Why wouldnt I?!
Its like, fishing for compliments.
Only its not a compliment.
Isnt it obvious what Id think?

But Im not so naive as to say what Arch says I 'should' say.
"H'OH MY GOD NOESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS."
Wtf.
Just no.

People. Are so. Fucking. Weird.

Geez.

Where are people I need to talk to when I need them?!

jhsufhsjkhfshfshfshfuisbfushubsg.

Meh.

Ive gotten myself mad at.
Again.
WHat else is new, Alyssa?
Oh. I have a headache.
How nice.

Pretty things.

Ive decided something..
Ive been too wrapped up in the huge, terrible things in my life.
So today, Ive been trying to notice the smaller, truly beautiful things.

Beauty;;

Friends who will sing for you on msn.

A cloudy sky.

The way water drips off your fingertips in the shower.

The way two people can still care about eachother, after half a year of conflict.

The way my spider can live completely independently on my window sill.

The happiness you can feel when you realize someone really does appreciate you.