Tuesday, December 30, 2008

the wonderful world of disney.

Listening To :
Activity[s] :
Msn-ing, feeling like Im about to die, etc.

Soooo I went to DISNEYLAND yesterday!

It was majorly fun. Majorly.

We [Michelle and I];
- Saw DARTH VADER!
- Toured the Christmas-ified Haunted Mansion in turning chairs. ;D
- Got bitched at by Snow White. Ho.
- Went on a fantastic Star Tour.
- Met Mike/Addison on a Jungle Cruise.
- Ate the greatest pizza ever. <3
- Fell in love with Addison over /another/ Jungle Cruise with him.
- Did plenty of wandering..
- Went to the TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI ROOM and got a pineapple whip [hwip] !!
- Got front seat on Indiana Jones! ;D
- Wanderwanderwander.
- Got snowed on by the Small World light show.. thing.
- Never actually went on Small World, because its scary, and the line was huge.
- Rode the CAROUSEL.
- Met Hot Asian Guy
- Christened Alyssa as an asiaphile.
- Met up with my dad [finally!] and got more money for food [finally, again!].
- Went to the French Market.
- Ran into Hot Asian Guy again ; decided to feed him to Addison's large Bengal tiger.
- Laughed at the people who doomed themselves to 20 minutes of lost time by standing in the beverage line.
- Made mashed potatoes.. Out of butter.
- Ate an amazing apple crisp, cemented to its plate by caramel.
- Were PIRATES, Arrr! [relaxing ride, that was.]
- Rode the epicness that was Big Thunder.
- TWICE.
- Went on the Jungle Cruise ONE MORE TIME -- Missed Addison. ):
- Stalked Addison anyway.
- Waited in the longest line EVER to get out.
- End.

Addison.
Lol.
DORKY PUN GUY.

"Its a bad place to be headed."
"You re in denial."
"That'd be hard to eat. Dark meat, light meat, dark meat, light meat, dark meat, light meat."
"You'll see.. ABSOLUTELY NOTHINGGG."
"That sinks. I mean stinks."
"Either way, you'll come out ahead."
"Plasticus Mechanicus."

Michelle is going to marry him.
Me?
I get to marry Hot Asian Dude.

Lolol.
He asked us what ride something was, and got it wrong, and I was like "Haha nice."
But then when we ran into him in the French Market, I was like "OMG MEANT TO BE."
So we planned to feed his girlfriend to the 500 pound Bengal tiger on Addison's cruise.
:D

Dude I had the weirdest day, when it game to guys.

First, in the Haunted Mansion line, this dude in the group behind us kept standing as close as he could to me without looking creepy.
It was actually really endearing.
He wasn't that /cute/, but he was adorable in a dorky kind of way.
I don't know what he thought of our conversations.. They were special. xD

Then this SUPER HOT GUY was looking at me in the Star Tours line.
He had a huge head, eyes on both sides of it, a sexy nose..
Hahaha.
He was the hottest animatronic alien you'll ever meet.

THEN. This creepy old man was staring at me at the carousel.
That was nasty.

Of course all day, every once in a while Id look at Michelle and go "EEE CUTE BOY." after we'd passed someone cute. xD
Because I like cute boys.
It also kinda made me sad, though.
Because like.
I keep seeing people together.
And desperately wanting to date someone.
Im tired of being single, now.
And its really depressing. ):

Anyway.

Uhmm.
What else.
I dunno.
Lol.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

3 am.

Listening To : Dead Is The New Alive -- Emilie Autumn
Activity[s] : Avoiding sleep..
Eating : Tortilla chips.

I was such a fucking SPAZZ today.
SUCH a spazz.
I seriously wonder why the fuck anyone ever puts up with me, because really? Id throw me off a tall building.

It might be because I haven't properly eaten in two days, I'm not really sure.
Low blood sugar?
I'm actually seriously thinking that's what it is. Makes sense.

But everything was freaking me out today.
Everything.

At first it was the fact all my cousins wanted to do was drink.
Seriously.
At like, 11 am, theyre like "I really feel like getting hammered."
And then I kept hearing things about how they were going to sneak shit from my dad's bar.
If you havent seen my dads bar, then there is no way you could ever imagine it.
It is EPIC. Truly.

And I dont know if you know this, but I am not a drinker.
At all.
Im sure you've like, seen or heard of times when I have drank..?
I get sick before I get drunk.
The only time I ever got drunk was after drinking like, 5 shots of this [kickass!] whiskey, and all that happened was I couldn't walk quite right for 20 minutes.
Of course, when I got home after the Christmas parade [good time to get drunk, good lord. x.x], I felt like shit and puked. Yay!
But yeah.
I DONT DRINK.
Its fucking illegal, anyway.
And while I do a hell of a lot of illegal things, I dont do anything thats going to fuck up my body / thought processes / etc in ANY way.

You might not know this about me. You should, but you might not.
My cousin didn't, but only cause I never talk to him.
I. Hate. When people don't act like themselves.
It scares the fucking shit out of me.
Thats why I dont live with my mum.
So when I am the one acting fucking stupid [or just unable to walk...], then.. no. Its not okay.
Plus I hate puking.

Anyway.
Its disrespectful, anyway.
Its our house, our rules...
Bugs me.

BUT THEN WHAT MAKES IT WORSE.
Okay so.
Everyone kept going back on what they were saying about it.
My dad randomly decided he didn't care, and Eileen and Leah.
Gaaaah.
I had gone out to chill, cause I was like, near tears for some 2 hours straight.
And so I had told them why I was flipping out.

So I went away and came back however much later.
And fucking Alyssa was drinking a pina colada, and Leah was offering to make Jordan a drink, because he'd gone in to get one and failed.
And Eileen went so far as to ask /me/ if I wanted anything.
To which I was like "FUCK NO I DONT."

...

I cannot believe Derek fucking put up with me all. night.
I was being a bitch to him half the time, in tears, totally unstable.
I dont fucking know.
And like. He's dealing with all his own shit, which is like, 27348274 times worse than mine.
And its just like.
Gaaaaaaaaaah.

Being me is so hard sometimes.
I never actually know what to do.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

i. dont. care what you think.

Listening To : The Winter Overture [Requiem for a Dream] -- Clint Mansell
Activity[s] : Being antisocial? ;D

My family.
Is so cool. xD

My stepmum is having her family Christmas thing this weekend -- they do it every year, but there are so many siblings that it's only at any given house once in 7 years.
And its, quite obviously, our turn.
Meaning? There's 27 people staying here. Yeah. TWENTY SEVEN. All staying in some random place throughout the house.

I dont even have my own room -- My Uncle Clay and Aunt Donna are sleeping in there.
Im sleeping in the living room, on the poofiest, lovliest couch ever. My cousin Derek [WHO IS MADE OF WIN] is sleeping in my dad's leather armchair [god knows how], and my cousin Jordan and his girlfriend Ashley are sleeping in the middle.
Its.. Interesting. xD

BUT YES.
My cousin!
He's so awesome. Seriously.
He's, hands down, my favourite cousin ever. ♥
Don't ask me why. He's just like, the most normal person [... xD] in my family.

[my stepmum keeps calling my dad and freaking out, and its stressing /me/ out. she was sitting outside, secretly, to see if my dad was doing his job. controlling much?]

Continuing.
Derek and I stayed up until 5 last night.
Doing absolutely NOTHING.

We all watched Bourne Identity, and then all the adults went to bed.
So then we [me, Derek, Jordan, and Ashley] watched Bad Santa, but Jordan and Ashley fell asleep halfway through.
So Derek and I finished it, and then sat there, not really even talking, just sorta sitting there, glancing at eachother every once in a while.
Finally, I decided I was starving, so we went and made quesadillas.
And then..
We sat in absolute silence for about an hour.
That was hot.
And then finally, he migrated over to the couch I have, because I was all morose and sad looking.
And THEN we went to sleep.
Epic evening. Epic.

The movies were good, though. xD
Bourne Identity made my brain hurt, and Bad Santa was... Bad.

There's this thing.
Its like, a tradition.
That there's this angel that belonged to their mother.
And Korri, who's house the thing was at last year, was supposed to bring it.
And didn't.

So I had to spend 4 hours last night making an angel out of tissue paper left over from all the Christmas presents we had.
I made them save me the wrapping paper, because I want to use it to make shit with /anyway/. So that was handy.
Its actually pretty chill. Its silver and white, with gold ribbon as hair.
I know you're jealous.
Dude.
I had no idea what the fuck I was foing, and its somewhat apparent.

Anywho.
Im outtttt. ;D

I miss you people, though. ):

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas!

Listening To : I Don't Want To Be In Love -- Good Charlotte [for old times sake.]
Activity[s] :
Playing online. ;D

First off.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.


I hope you have all had a day that is FULL of win.
Mine sure was.

To start out my Christmas post.
I was reading the version of The Night Before Christmas that I got for the kids last year.
Its full of extra things -- recipes, crafts, stories, history...
And this is the story of Christmas Stockings.

The tradition was first introduced by Dutch settlers.
The Dutch believed in Sinter Klaas, who rode around on Christmas Eve on a white horse, leaving little gifts in the wooden shoes of any children who left hay for the donkey Mary rode [i think.]
So the English adapted it, of course.

Cool, no?

Anyway.
Time for PRESENTS.

I have recieved :

-
A stocking :D
x. Candy
x. Saline solution [rofl.]
x. Sticky notes
x. Candles!
x. Lipgloss
x. Other stuff...
- $25 Sephora gift card [Kerri]
- $75 Amazon gift certificate [Dad]
- $25 [Grandma Pat]
- A sparkly pink bead [Leia]
- 84 gel pens [Dad]
- Burts Bees stuff [Grandma Pat]
- A Zune! [everyone.]
- An air plant [Grandma Judy]
- A worry stone [Grandma Judy]
- A spa kit.. thing [Grandma Judy!]
- Penguin earrings [even though I dont have pierced ears] [Aunt Sara]
- Penguin gummies [Aunt Sara]

I gave :

Dad :
4 CD's [that he picked out himself. xD]
Kerri : I dont really know, actually. o.o
Colin : A cookbook! :D
Leia : The Tale of Peter Rabbit, a snap-bead kit, and a pink friendship bracelet.
Everyone : Old fashioned toffee, with a hammer to break it and everything.
Grandma : Petite Fours and Raspberry Flower Honey.
Mom : Chocolate covered cherries. Really, really high quality ones.
Perry : A Star Trek playstation game! CAUSE I ROCK.
Libby : Cosmic Brownies [lol shut up, they have coloured candy on top.]
Wishiah : High-class sticky notes! :D
Emma : A $15 iTunes card. xD

Giving things is seriously my favourite part.
I even wrote out cards. :D

A really, really nice one for my Dad and Kerri, one for my grandma [it was FOR a grandma! xD], one for my mom and Perry, and one for my Grandma Judy and Happy Steve [her husband. <3]. style="font-weight: bold;">

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Summary of a Year : 2008

Listening To : Kill Hannah Pandora Station
Activity[s] : Cleaning mah room.

I made this, cause you know, I have nothing better to do.

Its been a long year.
12 months long -- just like all years.
That's a lot of weeks for stuff to happen, a lot of days for things to change.

Go down the list, and answer the "Did you..." questions however you wish. You may just put yes or no, or offer explanation.
For clarifications [ y / n ], choose either yes or no.
If your answer was no the initial question, say n/a [so that anyone who takes the survey after you can still answer them.]

If a section isn't applicable, say so, and just remove the spaces between the questions [once again, so that someone else can fill them out.]

Here's to another year.


How do you think your year was, overall?
Not too bad, considering.

Did You Or Didn't You

i. - - s c h o o l - -


Not applicable? It is. (:

Did you...

Switch schools?
Yeah. Anacappaaa, baby. ;D

Fail a class?
Lol many of them. Last school year.
Tis why Im in 10th grade again.

Cut class?
Last school year? Duh. I didn't go to school.
This school year? No way! Its too much work!

Get good grades?
Last school year? No. xD
This school year? Hells yes! 4.0, baby!

Play any sports?
No. Never.
Gym Fitness doesnt really count in my world.

Get any awards / honors?
Nah. I will at the end of the semester, but thats next year. xD

Take any Honors / AP / IB classes?
Uhhm.
Im officially in Honors Algebra 2.
But World History is basically an AP class.

ii. - - w o r k - -


Not applicable? Not really, no.

Did you...

Get a job?
Change jobs?
Get fired?
Quit?
Get a raise?
Get a promotion?
Get relocated?
Have a shitty boss?
Do something memorable for your employer?
Have more than one job?
Have more than two jobs?

iii. - - h o m e - -


Did you...

Move?
Yeah. To my dad's. (:

Re-do your room?
Mmhmm! I painted it!
Purple, silver, and black, baby.

Remodel?
Not.. Really...

Get any new pets?
CUDDLES!
But he's not here. ): He's at my mum's.

Lose any pets?
Nikita.
She poofilated. D:

Have anyone move out?
Nope.

Have anyone move in?
Nope.
Unless you count myself.

Blow a fuse?
AHAHA YES. So many times. SO. MANY. TIMES.

Light something on fire?
Not accidentaly, thank god.

Have a leak in your roof?
Yeah. I think so.

Decorate your house for:

[ yes! ] Christmas?
[ yes! ] Halloween?
[ no ] Fourth Of July?
[ no.. ] Something else? [ specify ]

iv. - - f r i e n d s and f a m i l y - -


Did you...

Have a family member die?
Not that I know of. o.o

Gain a new family member?
I dont think soo...

[ n/a ] Through marriage?
[ n/a ] Through birth?

Make any new friends?
Hells yes! So many. :D

Make a new best friend?
Yessss. :DDD

Met anyone you wonder how you could have ever lived without?
Hells yes. Dude.

Lost a friend?
Yeah. ): More than one.

[ yes ] Just lost contact?
[ no ] Purposely stopped talking to someone?
[ no ] Had someone move away?
[ no! ] Had someone die?

Done anything super-memorable with your friends?
Ahahaha sleepover extravaganza!

v. - - r e l a t i o n s h i p s - -


How many relationships did you have this year? 2.

Did you...

Kiss anyone?
Yep.

Have sex?
No way.

[ no ] Lose your virginity?
[ no! ] Get pregnant?

Fall in love?
Yesss.

Fall out of love?
Not really.

Think you were in love, but weren't?
Yeah. ._.

Ask someone out?
No, I never do.

Get rejected?
See above. ;D

Break up with someone?
Yes.

[ yeah ] Regret it?

Get broken up with?
Mmhm. ):

Like someone?
Duh. xD

Like more than one person at once?
Of course!

More than two?
Lol yes. xD

Do something for someone else's own good?
Probably.

[ yeah ] Regret it / think it really wasn't that good?

vi. - - m a t e r i a l - -


Did you..

Get any amazing gifts?
Yesss.
Tablet, anyone? ;D

Get any awful gifts?
Not really.

Give any awesome gifts?
... I dont know.

Regift something?
No! Wait yes.

Buy something really expensive?
Lol yeah.

Get something really valuable for really cheap?
My purse! :D

Sell something for a lot of money?
No. >.> I never have money, rofl.

Lose something?
On a daily basis!

Have a friend get something you really wanted?
... I dunno.

[ n/a ] Still jealous?

Have a garage sale?
No, I havent in agesss.

Go to a garage sale?
No, actually. o.o

Get any new furniture?
Yesss. I got a desk!

Get a new computer?
Nah, that was last Christmas.

Cell phone?
No. >.>

TV?
That was last Christmas too.

Stereo / MP3 Player?
No, but Im supposed to get a Zune!

Buy new holiday decorations?
Lol no! We have so many.

vii. - - m u s i c - -


Did you...

Go to any concerts?
NO. ): I wanted to, though.. .Kill Hannah. ;-;

[ n/a ] Were they good?

Buy any actual cd's [as in, you can play them in a cd player]?
Uhh. For my dad. xD

Spend more than $100 on music on iTunes / Amazon / etc?
... Hells no.

Spend any money on music?
I BOUGHT MY FIRST SONG LOL.

Develop any new tastes?
Yeaaaah.
I like instrumental movie music, now. REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, WHUT.

Find any new 'favourite' bands?
Kill Hannah, Birthday Massacre, Nightwish.. I dunno.

Lose any 'favourite' bands?
Shiny Toy Guns, Within Temptation, Coldplay...

Go through any significant phases?
Emo phase, techno phase, random-shit phase...

Gotten anyone hooked on something?
Yesss. :D
Shake Tramp - Mariana's Trench --> Puteri
Final Countdown - Europe --> Everyone?
Fer Sure - The Medic Droid --> Everyone?

Heard about something before anyone else?
MMHMMM.
Just Dance - Lady Gaga
[only one I can remember. xD]

[ YES ] Felt awesome about it?

viii. - - m i s c e l l a n e o u s - -


Did you...

Have an awesome birthday?
I think so..
Explain : It wasn't what I imagined for a sixteenth birthday.. Kind of meh. But I got some cool stuff..

Change perfume / cologne?
Lol yes. I always do.

Get a new hairstyle?
Ayeeee. :D
I got hair that I can straighten.

Have a dramatic change in body shape?
Not.. Really... Im more curvy [in a womanly sort of way.]

Run a mile in less than 10 minutes?
HELLS NO.

Like Twlight?
.. LOL. Youre so funny. >.>

Go to the hospital?
Yeah. Too many times.

Break a bone?
Never have.

Trip over a coffe table?
DUH.

The Months of The Year


JANUARY

[ ] awful
[x] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[ ] awesome
Notes : I was all stressed, cause the end of the first semester was coming up, and I didn't know what to do. Sad. ):


FEBRUARY

[ ] awful
[ ] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[x] awesome
Notes : I had the most amazing boyfriend ever. My Valentines Day weekend was made of win. <3


MARCH

[x] awful
[ ] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[ ] awesome
Notes : Broke up with awesome boy. ):


APRIL

[ ] awful
[x] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[ ] awesome
Notes : School was stressful as fuck. Had a good and then bad relationship with April. She pwns, though.


MAY

[x] awful
[ ] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[ ] awesome
Notes : Suckfest.


JUNE

[] awful
[x] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[ ] awesome
Notes : School again. School is so suckish. And my birthday was disappointing.


JULY

[ ] awful
[x] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[ ] awesome
Notes : I dunno. I had time to do random shit. I ditched Simfinity. Thank god.


AUGUST

[ ] awful
[ ] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[x] good
[ ] awesome
Notes : I got on the right meds! :D Happy times ensued. Still was stressed about what to do about school.


SEPTEMBER

[ ] awful
[ ] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[x] awesome
Notes : Anacapa, Grand Canyon, awesomness! :D


OCTOBER

[ ] awful
[ ] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[x] awesome
Notes : More Anacapa, more awesomeness! That school, seriously.


NOVEMBER

[ ] awful
[ ] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[x] awesome
Notes : Weee! Got a 4.0!


DECEMBER

[ ] awful
[ ] bad
[ ] alright
[ ] decent
[ ] good
[x] awesome
Notes : Was stressful, school-wise, but in a good way.


Three Words To Sum Up The Year


1 - Life-changing.
2 - Unpredictable.
3 - Alyssa.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

hay, holidays!

Listening To : My "Puteri-ish Things." playlist.
--> Right now : I Dont Care -- Fall Out Boy
Activity[s] : Supposed to be writing Christmas cards. Not actually doing it.

Today is a very Alyssa day.
Its up and down. :p

I miss Puteri like you wouldn't believe.
She went to Malaysia for a month.
I told my dad two days before she left it would suck, and god damn it, it does.
She wont be back until January 8th. I'll be back in school before she's back!
God its so miserable.
I have so much shit to tell her, and I am never going to be able to, because there's WAY too much. And Im lazy.

My best frienddddd. I cannot have her GONE for a month!
Bitch! :D

She needs to be back.
Even though Im sure she's having a rockin' time, which is great. (:


Alyssa went Christmas shopping today!
Got some of the best gifts ever, too. xD

For Tom and Eileen [party central, those two!], I got disposable coasters, "featuring made up wine tasting quotes"!
There are six 'designs', and they are :


"Vigorous, well constructed, even a little bosomy!"
"Sprightly and gay with fruity character!"
"Plummy with strong thrusting overtones!"
"Wave after wave of buttery spice!"
"Elegant nose with a long and satisfying finish!"
"An explosion of blackberries and cranberry zing!"

Arent those the most amazing things ever?
Seriously.
I love them. I was laughing way too hard in the cheese shop. xD
[yes, the cheese shop. best place to buy random presents EVER.]


I also got cards. Lots of them.
From Papyrus!
Papyrus is the absolute shit, and I love it with a fiery passion.
Cause you know how much I love paper.
Handmade cards. That are mindblowingly awesome. Oh yeah.

I got cards for all my teachers [Gordon and Suzie have an exceptionally goregous one. It. Is. Stunning.], Dad and Kerri, Grandma Pat, and then other people. Like my mum, Grandma Judy, my friends.. Whoever strikes my fancy.
But that means I have to write them all.
And Im so lazy.


I heard this song in the car today.
Untouched, by The Veronicas.
The music is absolutely amazing. I love it so much.
It brought tears to my eyes.
ITS A FUCKING CELLO.

However. The awesome cello-ness is wasted on the shitty song.
Seriously.
The lyrics -- 'I feel so untouched' -- makes me think "What the fuck why dont you rape me!?"
Pathetic.
Absolutely pathetic.
It could be the most amazing gothic-ish, dark song ever. :D
Its still beautiful, though. Try and ignore the vocals, and its pwn. The first 10 seconds are nice. Rofl.


I was stuck thinking about Eric today.
I woke up this morning, and I smelled like him.
It was incredibly comforting and nice, but still. Feh.

I still dont know what to do about that.
Lol. Not like its some easy thing, I know.
Whateverrr. Hes so cute. Squee. ♥


Im going to send Cliff the greatest christmas card ever.
Hes going to be like ".. You're an idiot. But you rock & I love you!" [lol keep dreaming, Alyssa.]
But really. Ive been really.. sentimental. For like, months. xD
I appreciate everyone and everything.

-dances-
Tah. ♥

Friday, December 19, 2008

feh.

Second post in less than half an hour.
edit : holy crap its been over an hour. Im on drugs.

I hate it when people make plans, and get me all excited.
So Im like "Oooh, Im so happy, Im doing ____ tomorrow!"
And my other friends are like "Awesome!"

And then the person Ive made plans with is like "Oh nevermind."
Or the plans fall through.
Or something.
The end result being I dont go.

Because then I feel stupid.
When people are like "HOW WAS ____?!"
And I have to say "Oh, I didnt go, lol. Didn't work out."

It happens way too much.
Makes me feel pathetic and antisocial.

Awh.

let me hear you screaming just for me.

Listening To : Where The Moss Slowly Grows [Jade Puget Remix] -- Tiger Army
Activity[s] : Feeling bad, texting, making plans, msning. Yeah.

I have a nasty habit of doing things that just aren't good for my mental well being.
Case and point : this evening.

I went to my dad's company party, as I usually do, and what do you know.
Eric was there.
Which makes sense, considering both his parents work with my dad.
But still. I was like "OMG."

I havent seen him since the moving-out party across the street in like, August or whatever, so I was like "Aaah!"
I actually got mad at him just yesterday for not talking to me anymore, cause I missed him.
Go figure.

So anyway.
It was actually really frustrating.
You know me, Im not patient. My bitching about my trying to be patient in other matters should give that away.
So in my ideal world, I would have just kissed him, and then wrapped my arms around his waist and just not let go.
But nooo.
I had to play this silly game.

Because for whatever reason, he decided for a while to avoid me, and only me.
And I hate to be the desperate-looking one that follows people around, so I just.. didnt.
But then that didn't get me anywhere. At all.
Why do i always have to be the one to follow people? Cant anyone EVER follow ME instead?!

Anyway.
Finally solved that problem.
And then it was fun. ish.

He actually sat on me at one point, that was chill. xD
Seriously, whatever works, man.
He smelled really, really nice, too, so that was a plus.
Im so used to being sat on -- he was so light. But he wouldn't believe that he wasnt killing me. Of course. Guys. Pfft.

I could launch into detailed descriptions of all the little things that happened that i thought were sweet, but I wont, for your sake.
He was really sweet, though.

But the entire time I was freaking out.
Because he does have a girlfriend. Her name is Jessica, and that is all I know. I know, what kind of stalker am I?
Ive just gotten lazy, and I dont feel like looking her up, because it'll depress me.
And so yeah.
The entire time we're sitting there, it was obvious to anyone that we aren't just friends. [but we're not dating!]
And the guy whos house the thing was at, his daughter was there [obviously?].
And I guess Jessica is the background to Eric's phone, so at one point she's like "Your girlfriend?" and hes like "Yeah."
And then I kept getting this distinct feeling she thought.. Well Idont know what she thought.
But it couldnt have been good.

I mean seriously.
If you were sitting there, you know this guy has a girlfriend, and hes holding onto this completely different girl like theyre dating, wouldnt you be like "God hes an asshole, and she's a slut."?
Way to make an impression, Alyssa.

So thats my drama for today.
It was a nice way to end a day [no sarcasm!].
I miss that kid like hell.
But seriously. I hate the negative connotation to it.
And he still owes me a kiss. :p

Monday, December 08, 2008

you're my angel.

Angel Mine
Cowboy Junkies
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L73VjMAUews]

He searched for those wings that he knew
that this angel should have at her back
And although he can't find them
he really don't mind
because he knows they'll grow back
And he reached for that halo that he knows
that she had when she first caught his eye
Although his hand came back empty
he's really not worried
'cause he knows it still shines

I can't promise that I'll grow those wings
or keep this tarnished halo shined
but I'll never betray your trust
angel mine

I search all the time on the ground
for our shadows cast side by side
Just to remind me that I haven't gone crazy
that you exist and are mine
And I know that your skin is as warm and as real
as that smile in your eyes
But I have to keep touching and smelling
and tasting for fear it's all lies

I can't promise that I'll grow those wings
or keep this tarnished halo shined
but I'll never betray your trust
angel mine

Last night I awoke from the deepest of sleeps
with your voice in my head
And I could tell by your breathing
that you were still sleeping
I repeated those words that you had said

I can't promise that I'll grow those wings
or keep this tarnished halo shined
but I'll never betray your trust
angel mine



Before you say "WTF".
This was my dad and Kerri's wedding song.
I woke up with it stuck in my head this morning.
And it makes me unbelievably happy.

Monday, December 01, 2008

huh.

Listening To : A Modern Myth -- 30 Seconds To Mars

I feel really guilty right now.

As you know, my computer is broken.
So dad finally called Dell, and they sent us a new keyboard [lol] and a Windows XP disc, so that we could reinstall the operating system.
However.
The sticker on the bottom of the computer with the Windows product key was put in the WORST PLACE POSSIBLE, because the fucking numbers wore off.
So I tried to see it, and figure out the numbers, but apparently Im fucking retarded and failed.

So now he has to buy a new product key for like, 200 bucks.
Yay Alyssa.

Hes like "This computer is a disaster for me."
Which makes me feel fantastic.

What a way to end a shitty day, eh?

i see nothing in your eyes.

Listening To : Breath -- Breaking Benjamin
Eating : The most orgasmic Trader Joes meal ever -- a french 'tart' [pizza-esque] with ham and onions. Its. A. Maz. Ing.
Drinking : Alyssa-style gourmet hot chocolate.

. you take the breath right out of me.
. you left a hole where my heart should be.

I had a ridiculous day today.
I didn't sleep last night, obviously, so I had that added loveliness.
But I also didn't eat.
Nothing since dinner last night. Only coffee. About 5 cups of it.

You saw, briefly, what was going through my head post-poetry, but I wasnt like that all night, I promise.
I spent a long time watching movie preview spoofs and college humor videos. It was way too much fun. xD
I felt like I was rotting my brain, but thats cool.
It was a lot more amusing than working on my Literature essay like I was 'supposed' to be doing.

Anyway.
The change was sparked by my random decision to both listen to 'emo' music, and check up on dA.
Bailey had posted a journal, featuring 13 artists she really liked.
And the first two were poets.
I randomly picked one, and boy did I choose right.

I ended up looking at Amertie's gallery for a while, reading her poems, and sinking into this awesome trance state.
I get like that, you know.
I actually rather like it. I think super logically when Im like that.
She's truly amazing, though. Really.
http://amertie.deviantart.com/ <-- Click! So yeah. I showed up at school singing Breaking Benjamin, looking fucking goregous, and having snapped back into a good, non-trancelike mood.
Where I proceeded to be silly. xD

But even though I was in my typical, bubbly, i-didnt-sleep-last-night mood, I was really thoughtful all day.
I kept finding excuses to look at people [cough] and just like. Think.
I do that from time to time.
Its really pretty magical.

. i see nothing in your eyes.
. and the more i see, the less i like.

Oh speaking of which.
Its impossible to know whether or not the effort I put into myself was noticed.
The kid makes no sense, ever.
I was talking to Leah, and Im like "Dude I never have any idea what the hell he's even doing."
And shes like "I KNOW. Its kind of odd."
So whatever. xD
I retained my beauty, though. ;D When I got home, my face still looked halfway decent.

BUT GYM.
Gym sucked.
See, last time, Jason informed me that I had a B.
So today I was freaked out, and put a lot of effort into it.
But the downside was I still hadnt had anything to eat but coffee, really.
Funnnn.
I was dizzy half the time, and by the end, I was physically shaking.
Like, vibrating.

Leah, Preston and I had a lovely walk back, though. ;D
Its pretty amusing. He's pretty amusing, I mean.

"So then why are you sixteen, and in tenth grade?"
"Cause its my second year of tenth grade."
"Wh.. What? Really? How did that happen?"
"Its a long story."
"I have time. Well not really. But hit me."

Silly, I tell you.

I stayed after school for a bit to harass Katy in History office hours, that was fun.
And then I got home and died.
I went up and went to bed and slept for two hours. xD
And then came down to eat..
And here I am!

. is it over yet?
. i cannot win.

oh, forget me not.

Ive decided Im not some fantastic, poetic person.
I dont have a brilliant personality, the kind songs and poems showcase.
I dont say anything witty, like "The present's just a pleasant interruption to the past", because Im afraid of the future.
I approach life in my own way, but Im nothing brilliantly unique.
And at the same time, I am terribly individual, and different.
And Im okay with that.

Its the small things I love.
On Mother's Day, I went down to visit my aunt and uncle. Childless. They're still young.
He had bought her a box of truffles for Mother's Day.
I jokingly asked why, for they don't have any children.
And he replied "She's a mother to our cats," with a smile.
Small things are the best.
The things you don't even notice right away, and its not until you're bored, writing a letter to an acquaintance at best, and your mind is wondering, that you realize that there was someone behind that lovely coincidence, and they did it out of love.
The little, tiny, minuscule things that seem to stick with you the longest.

I hate the fruitless way in which I do things.
I just spent a good 45 minutes on my appearance.
Trying to look perfect for someone who wouldn't notice if I came to school missing an arm.
As I do my eyeshadow, I try to think that I dont give him enough credit, but then my mind shouts back, "Of course you do!", and Im left at a standstill.

We often have the conversation about how a girl will want someone similar to her father or brother in the end.
The personality of that family member is one we admire, so its only natural.
My dad automatically notices when my stepmum or I do anything special.
When he comes down to take me to school, he will say "You look nice today, Sauce."
To which I will offer my smile, and, after this, thank him for noticing. I dont thank him enough in general.
So is it so awful for me to want someone to notice the things I do?

Im off to fufill all my responsibilities as a teenager;
mainly school, but I have to put away some dishes as well.

But I leave in a weird state of mind, as should be apparent.
Im not really sure what it is I want right now.
And Im hoping I'll figure it out.