is this glory?

Listening To : 37 mm -- AFI

My awful day;

I woke up, got dressed, and felt really, really sick.
And lately, Ive been finding out that my antidepressant, which I take at night, makes me sick. And if I dont sleep long enough, I wake up sick..

So I had to lay down, and because Id gotten only four hours of sleep AND was out of Adderall, which wakes me up / counterbalances how sleepy the Remeron makes me, I fell asleep.

So I had five minutes to do my makeup, looked like absolute shit. Fun.

First thing anyone said to me when I got to school was "Wishiah says she doesnt want to have anything to do with you."
And then Wishiah proceeded not to utter a single word to me the entire day, and instead just drag my friends away as I would be talking to them.

Keep in mind, she has NO REASON TO BE MAD AT ME. Shes just being a bitch. And IM sick of apologizing for stuff I didnt do, so Im not going to. I want to see if she will. She -is- my supposed best friend, anyway.

So then, after school.
I called my mum for a ride, and people were like yelling in my ear [not at me, though, at eachother. they were just nearby] because they were doing workstudy.

"GOD DAMN IT. You know I hate when you talk to other people when you're on the phone!"
"I wasnt?"
"Well. They were talking to you!"
"My name isnt Henry!"
"... Eh."
"Josh is just being obnoxious."
"Im being obnoxious?! EXCUSE ME. FUCKING BITCH."
"YOUR NAME ISNT JOSH."
"What did you want?"
"Nothing, nevermind."
"Dont do that."
"Im near -tears-, mother."
"Ive been near tears ALL DAY, so LAH DEE FUCKING DAH."

And THEN. I went to Dr. Geis with my dad, to talk about how he just randomly left. Because my trust in him has diminished greatly.
And as soon as I start to talk, dad goes "NO. YOU KNOW WHAT. I DONT NEED TO PUT UP WITH THIS. IF YOU CANT BE NICE, IM NOT TALKING TO YOU. I REFUSE."

And you know what a hard time I have with talking about things...
And Cliff fucking wonders why I do that.
That was THE biggest blow to my trying not to 'run away' in a LONG time.
I cried for an hour straight, while they talked about.. something.

Of course they didnt CARE, because noone cares about what Alyssa is feeling today. :/

There were good things that happened today, sure.
I got Pinkberry.
Preston was actually concerned, whut?
Dad opened a checking account for me.
I found the delight of frozen strawberries.
I watched four episodes of House...

And. Im faced with a dilemma.
Take my meds, and wake up sick, but stable?
Or don't take my meds, wake up on time, not feeling like SHIT, and just hope Im on an upswing?

i love you.

Listening To : Bitter For Sweet - Blaqk Audio

i love you.|

i. yeah, you. suprise.
you're the one everyone knows i love. and shit, do i love you.
i carefully wrote my modified initials on my wrist, in purple sharpie, and left it there. the only reason people didn't figure it out instantaneously was because i changed the last initial to a K.
you're the bane of my existence, and all of my friends love you and hate you, simultaneously.
i don't even know what the hell is going on, half the time. you're as unpredictable as my bedtime.
when you're mean to me, i'm completely destroyed. and when you're nice, im ecstatic. and everyone knows why. there's nothing secret about it. for you, my subtlety drops.
i just wish.. so many things.

ii. keep holding on.
you're that girl -- the girl, actually. the only one.
i've only ever been broken up with once, in my whole life, and girl, you hold that title.
our being together at all was a huge surprise; just to get there, we had to go on personal missions of self-discovery.
you always say 'i love you', because you want it to be the last thing you ever said to me : i'm happy you told me that. now, whenever you do, i smile.
i love talking to you, but it slightly kills me each time; especially when you speak of other people. i guess i'm jealous.
i cry, when i think of you. god, i love you. and you saved my life. and.. yeah. i love you, i love you, i love you.
i need to tell you more.

iii. because i own you.
but you know, that isnt even it. its a delightful bonus, your reciprocation.
there's something about you. maybe how sweet you are, maybe your innocence, your honesty.. whatever it is, i know it isnt just because i never see you, however much you'd like it to be true.
i hate that you think its pointless. it kills me to know that you think im being silly, wasting my time.
we've never kissed; i find it sweet, and slightly maddening, all at once. someday i'll fix that -- but i surely won't rush it.
i wish i could see you more -- it crushes me that it seems you don't.
still, you completely delight me. always.

iv. illusions of grandeur?
i don't even know why you have a place in my heart.
i see you once every two years, maybe. maybe. and when i do, there's nothing there. nothing meaningful, anyway.
when i think of you, i really wonder if you ever think of me. if you even give a damn. something tells me you dont.
i want to believe you do. but you're a guy, and im a plaything.
you won't even talk to me. ever. even when i try to talk to you. doesn't give me much hope.
still, im ridiculously happy to see you. happier than one would think.
not that i know what is going to happen.



Alyssa is a hooker.
She loves four people.
Oh my.
Scandal.

my siblings are on crack today.

Its an odd day.

Earlier, my sister opened the door, and looked at my with a sly smile, before saying "GoodNIGHT, SISSTERRRR!" and then shutting the door.

And now, I had this conversation with my brother.

"Hey little squee. Whats up? Why are you up?"
"My lips are dry."
"Dry? -feels- Do you want some chapstick?"
"Im gonna tell my mommy about it."
"Why?"
"Cause."
"Well, you don't need to wake her up. I can help you."
"I just want to tell her."
"Hun, shes gonna tell you the same thing I did. Why don't we just spare her having to wake up, and Ill give you some chapstick."
"..."
"Your lips won't be dry!"
"-starts to walk back towards his room-"
"Are you sure you dont want any?'
"I want a drink, too."
"Well, alright. Can I get you some water?"
"I need to ask my mommy about it."
"You need to ask mommy about getting a drink of water?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I.. Need.. Ask.. Drinking... Bed..."
"Well.. Alright. You do that."
"-starts to walk back down the hall-"
"Night little squee."

I have NO idea what just happened.

On an unrelated note;
My dad got home yesterday.
I survived finals week, and did AMAZINGLY on my Algebra 2 final. ;D
I just spent nearly my entire day reading Not Always Right.
Im addicted to Crimewave, by Crystal Castles.
Im addicted to chocolate milk and cornbread. Together. Amazingggg. <3
I found what would make me read Twilight. If it was like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXsKWi9FIjY
I am going to write a story following the premise of that video.
Im going to bed, now.

a potential threat.

Listening To : Lay All Your Love On Me -- ABBA
Activity[s] : Studying for that stupid history final.
Eating : NOTHING GOD DAMNIT. SO HUNGRY.

Gaaaaah this is the day [soon to be week] from HELL.

1 - I have finals.
God.
History and Algebra 2 are tomorrow.
Im not worried about math at all, cause I wrote out ALL the notes [we get a full page!], and finished it, and theyre incredibly thorough, so thats GOOD.
But history.
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.

There are SO MANY QUESTIONS I have to know.
And I dont even know which ones Im going to have to do, because he didnt tell us.
And then there's that Japan question, which I haven't started. Blah.

2 - Im sick.
I have the cold from hell.
Enough said.

3 - My daddy isnt in town.
Him and my stepmom had this huge fight the other night [not last, but the one before], and he LEFT, at 2 am, for the Bay Area.
Yeah, really.
It was so fucking RANDOM.
Ill explain more eventually, but ugh. I dont even know.
SO Im all alone.
Meh.

Im gonna go find some food before I die.
But dude.

My life.
SUCKS.

storybook.

Listening To : Jizz In My Pants -- The Lonely Island

x

you say you love me -- i guess you do.
yet, you explain to me what you hate, if only to make me cry.
(as if i could change any of it.)

"i hate how im finding out we dont have as much as common as i thought."
i silently wonder what we're suppsoed to have.
we have different lives, we think differently.
sure, i guess we aren't all that alike.
(i never realized that made a difference to you.)

"i hate how you were so quick to deny that we were dating."
i merely said what i thought you'd say.
whenever we fightt, you say its hopeless.
i only want to cause as little conflict as possible.
(it never works; im never right)

"i hate how i can never find anything in my life."
"literally or figuratively?" i ask.
"both."
i'll always be right here, where you can find me.
(i guess you take that for granted.)

"i hate how you always run away."
that always makes me cringe, especially now.
now, when im trying not to, when im putting myself through torture.
all you do is act like me, i guess to teach me something.
(it doesn't matter to you that im trying.)

of course, i never tell you what i hate.
(im not the manipulative one.)

x

Written today in Creative Writing, cause I was bored.
Oh yeah.

suddenly it changes! violently!

http://www.quizilla.com/stories/8390452/my-life-in-a-all-boys-vampire-boarding-schoolchapter-1

x

Kacy:
woah did I just hear my parents say ‘’live’’ with my aunt?! What are they thinking!? I have no right to live with her. ‘’what!?’’

x

Kacy:
woah is this what Arizona really looks like?

x

Kacy:
First day of school:
*beeep* ‘’ughh!’’

x

Kacy:
It was 2 times bigger than the normal boarding schools. I got out of the car and took my backpack with me. O-M-G it was all surrounded with boys! I must be dreaming! Wait noo I’m not! I walk down the hallways while boys staring at me. Stalkers much?

x

Kacy:
I laughed while Alex and Darren faced each other and cussing at each other, this must be the funniest moment.

x

Alex:
When class was over we headed into the cafeteria as usual and sat next to Darren, Michael, and Zack, and Cody, the perverted kid.

x

Kacy:
I knew this was the end of my journey where I’ll die.

x

Kacy:
He was looking at my chest so I decided to cover it up with my chess.

x

Alex:
‘’Alex!’’ Darren yelled.
‘’Eddie! He’s on a deadly rampage!’’ he said
‘’Kacy’s sleeping’’ I whispered
‘’sorry, but come out here we need to talk to you.’’ he said
I walked outside and left the door opened.
‘’Alex, he’s looking for Kacy, We red the news paper after you both left, and here. Handing me the news paper that said ‘’DEADLY RAMPAGE’’

Kacy:
‘’DEADLY RAMPAGE’’ woah…

x

Kacy:
‘’yeah’’ he said while touching his food.

x

Alex:
Oh yeah! Who’s the guy that asked his love out!?! Me!
I woke up the next morning to see Darren on my bed. I jumped and Darren fell off my bed.

x

Alex:
We both walked to our first class which was English. I was a vampire so I knew what we had today.

x

Kacy:
‘’yo yo yo.’’ perverted Cody running up!
‘’dude, stop trying to act all gangstaish’’ Darren saying

x

Alex:
We heard the door opened when we turned to see Kacy in her Pink cocktail dress. O-M-G

x

Alex:
We both started to dance to the song of Fall out Boys...

x

Kacy:
The food was so good, when we finished we both walked back to the car. It was about 9:23pm.

x

Alex:
‘’you were talking in your sleep, you were talking about how much you loved carrots, and me’’ she said laughing

x

Alex:
‘’o-m-g! I missed you KACY!’’ Zack said while holding her

x

Kacy:
I laughed, was I risking my life.

2009. [modified]

Listening To : Tears And Rain -- James Blunt
Activity[s] : World History..

edit : I added to it, because Im not in a bitchy mood anymore, and my night was pwn.

If you were to ask me how 2009 was so far, I honestly couldn't tell you.
Good, I suppose.
Im happy enough.
I had a fun enough night.
But I cannot say I feel euphoric about it.
Im rather indifferent, to be honest.

I wrote some resolutions in chat yesterday.

Alyssa's New Years Resolutions

#1 - Get a cute boyfriend.
#2 - Finish sophomore year.
#3 - Don't go back to living with my mum.
#4 - Write something epic.
#5 - Figure out Cliff.
#6 - Change the less-than-desirable bits of my outlook on life.

Hot, I guess.

Last night I went to Leah's house.
That was magical.
It was Leah, Michelle, Libby, me!, and Leah's cousin DJ.
Fun. Stuff.
We did stupid things. :D

Like. The first thing anyone decided they wanted to do was put makeup on DJ.
For whatever reason, we had brought it up before he showed up, and then.. Yeah.
"CAN WE PUT MAKEUP ON YOU?!"
"..."
"PLEASE."
"As long as its nothing permanent..."

I still dont know he meant by permanent makeup.
Like, they tattoo shit onto your skin, thats permanent makeup.
Funn.

Anyway.
We [I] mainly did his eyes, and Libby put on lipgloss.
Which he proceeded to eat, because it tasted good

The Product?

I know, sexy, huh?
Seriously.
Look at those glossy lips.
And that shiny hair.
And that goregous eyeshadow.
Psh-aaw.

However.
He put up with a lot. o.o
I even got eyeliner on the inside rim of the bottom... Whatever that is.
And that feels weird to even me, and he tried really hard not to close his eyes.
So.
-claps for DJ-

THEN.
We randomly went downtown.
Randomly.
To do nothing, really.

We ended up going to Starbucks, and then walking down to Coldstone to stalk who was working there.
And proceeded to ALL share a little mini sample spoon of icecream.
Not really sure how we did that.
But whatever.

And so we went back to Leah's.
EPIC, RITE.

Leah was kind of sad, so Libby and I were like "LOLHOTTUB?"
And she's like "LOLYES."
:D
So we all went in the hottub [YOU DIDNT SEE THAT COMING, DID YA.]
That was exciting.

DJ was a total pimp, being in the hottub with 4 girls in bikinis.
You know how guys are.
Pfft.
He splashed us, too.
So we all got our hair wet. D:
Boys suck. >.>
[but hes cute, so you know, whatever.]

Anyway.
When 12 rolled around, we all got sparkling cider, and toasted to "hot, sexy people".
No joke.
And we all kissed eachother. ON THE CHEEK, GOD.
And yes, I mean face. [I wish I had cheeks of steel!" "I HOPE YOU MEAN YOUR FACE!" "I DO~!"]
Even DJ. Who gives really nice kisses [on the cheek.]. Seriously.

THEN. Libby and Michelle and I took a shower.
That was exciting.
"AH YOU GOT SOAP ON MY BOOB."
"HOLY CRAP LIBBY IS NAKED AHAHAHA."
"YOU SLUT, WASH YOUR BUTT."

[i feel like Im saying "and then" a lot. or just "then" in general. so.]

FOLLOWING THAT.
We watched Ratatouille [after DJ left. how sad.].
Which was hilarious, in an odd sort of way.
I was laughing hysterically at random points of it. xD

Things to add in :

- Talking to Michelle
- Breakfast
- Stupid pictures

[arg need to go to bed. will finish. sometime. ;D]