for your reading pleasure.

Listening To : Like A Waterfall - Jes [its stuck in my head, actually]
Activity[s] : Looking at various things for my room, bugging my daddy

I just went through and made ALL the posts in my blog black.
So if anyone should want to read through them all.
You can actually read them somewhat easily.

However, I hate to inform you the first like, 20 will not change to Veranda.
They stay in Courier.
So they're kinda small.
BUT WHATEVER. ;D

Pretty awesome.

So.
Yessss.

Last night, I was gonna go to sleep, but I wasnt tired. So instead I climbed out the window and onto the roof. xD
It was so cool. Seriously. I can get up to the very top somewhat easily [as in, not going up any of the really steep bits of the roof].
So when it is a clear night, I can go look at the stars.
How wicked is that?!

But it was fun, lol.
Even though the roof kinda hurt my hands.
And I was constantly worried about falling. xDDDDD
But its actually pretty safe.
& Really easy to get out there. (:

So if anyone comes to visit me in the next year, we can hang on the roof.
My dad even said it was okay.
As long as I didn't let the kids see.
3 year olds on the roof?
Not good! xDDDDD

My room is so adorable, though.
I actually kinda like it green, though Im still gonna paint it. -shrug-
The purple and black thing sounds so cool. :p
BUT.
I'd need new bedroom furniture.
And the bed I have in there [granted, its not put together. fucking ROCKET SCIENCE.] is blonde.
I hate light wood furniture ANYWAY.
And it doesnt even match now, so it definitely wont when the whole color scheme is darker.

Daddy thinks I should paint the ceiling silver.

I dunno. Im trying to pick paint colours still.
The main walls are gonna be dark purple, the baseboard and the crown moulding black.
But I need a colour [possibly two] for the windows, and I need to decide on the ceiling colour.
So what do you think?

Im thinking the lighter accent could be kinda a magenta-y colour, decor-wise, so maybe have the windows be that?
So confused. :p

omgggg.
This is so crazy. ;--;
I have to get all these things filled out for Anacapa.
But I have to pass them out to teachers.
And I wanna be accepted by Wednesday, cause Thursday is orientation.
So its like.
I can't do it tomorrow, cause it's Labor Day, and NO ONE WORKS ON LABOR DAY. Its kinda the point of the holiday. xD
So I have to pass them all out Tuesday.
And wow.
o.o

Anyway.
Back to looking at stuff for my room. :p

drama.

It'll just be easier to do what I did for Kate, and copy and paste what I told Puteri.

So fucking crazy.

Im at my dad's right now, though.
My room is so cute .xD
Its small.
And it smells like blackberries.
Right now its green, but Im gonna paint it purple, silver, and black, and get new lights and bedding and everything.

Also.
I still dont know what Im gonna do about my mum.
Not sure if I'll go back there. -shrug-

----

sheep and daffodils! says:
Last night my mom was like, waaaay not okay.
She lost my freaking medication, and them blamed not being able to find it on me.
And I was like "omg no."

So I called my grandma Pat, and was like "Dude. Get me the fuck out of here."
sheep and daffodils! says:
So I went into my room with my big victoria's secret tote bag thing, and gathered up everything I couldnt live without.

And when my grandma drove down the driveway, I put my stuff in the car, told my mom I was leaving, and left the house, shutting the door behind me.

But just as I was about to get in the car, my mum opened the door and was like "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING."
And I was like "I'll call you in the morning."
And shes like "LITTLE FUCKING BITCH DONT BOTHER."
sheep and daffodils! says:
But then she called me before I'd even gotten back to my grandma's, and was like "I have 100 percent custody of you. This is kidnapping. Im gonna call the cops. Im gonna call juvinile hall. I gonna tell Anacapa you're a kid who fucking runs away. How dare you."

And I was like "What the hell, its your fault."

Cause for the last week she's been acting not like herself AT ALL.
Its completely insane. She makes no sense, she's always mad at me.

Crazy. She's lost her mind, I swear.
sheep and daffodils! says:
And she was all "I HAVE HEART PROBLEMS." And its like, what the fucking hell. She doesnt have heart problems. She has something where the outside of her lungs are sticky for a week or so. And thats IT. Whatever else is wrong with her is cause she's taking drugs she shouldn't be.
sheep and daffodils! says:
So anyway. I finally just hung up on her, and went to bed.

And she woke me up in the morning saying the same kinda thing. That she had 100 percent custody of me, so I couldnt just leave.
That I HAD to come back, or she'd throw all my stuff onto the patio.
sheep and daffodils! says:
So I walked accross the street to my dad's at like, noon.

AND SHE KEPT CALLING ME.
sheep and daffodils! says:
Still saying my main purpose in life is to hurt her [yeah right, my life doesnt revolve around her].
And that she was gonna get rid of my stuff, my cat.
this is screaming photo op. - xo. says:
CUDDLES.
this is screaming photo op. - xo. says:
... Anyway.


How's Perry holding up then?
sheep and daffodils! says:
I know my poor baby kitty. ):

& I dunno. I had a message on my phone from him. He was like, crying. He misses me. >.>
this is screaming photo op. - xo. says:
Awwwh.
sheep and daffodils! says:
Anyway. Then I was talking to my grandma, and it turns out she doesnt even have 100 percent custody of me.

In theory she does, but legally its 50/50, cause my dad can't afford to pay her full child support.
So we kept trying to tell her that, but she's so totally lost it she like, wouldn't understand.
She's like "If you dont come back, Im never talking to you again."
sheep and daffodils! says:
So then she called my dad, and they decided I
sheep and daffodils! says:
**I'd stay here for a couple days, and that was the end of that.

But then she called me AGAIN and was like "I dont want you to stay there tonight. I miss you."
And I was like "Well yeah, but Im not gonna come back tonight. Its your fault Im not there, mum."
And she was like "Im so upsetttt, Ive been crying since you left" and shit like that.
And then she tried to bribe me to come back.
this is screaming photo op. - xo. says:
Bribe you? With what?
sheep and daffodils! says:
Swimmimg. xD

It was like yeah right. Swimming for an hour is totally gonna make me put up with you.
this is screaming photo op. - xo. says:
.. Swimming? x3
sheep and daffodils! says:
So she was going on about how much she wants me back.

AND THEN. She randomly started screaming at me about how I just want to hurt her, and that Im an evil little child, amd how she'd raised me up and then I turned on her.
I didnt even say anything to provoke it.

And I ended up screaming that I didnt wanna hear it and hung up.
sheep and daffodils! says:
Like, thats the reason I dont wanna be there.
sheep and daffodils! says:
She randomly gets mad at me. FOR NO REASON.
sheep and daffodils! says:
I ended up calling my grandma Judy [mum's mum], and explaining everything to her.
And she agreed that this was the best place for me, and understood that my dad wasnt like, trying to steal me.
And so she called my mum, I guess, cause she didn't call again after that.
this is screaming photo op. - xo. says:
Ohh. So how long are you going to be at your Dad's for?
sheep and daffodils! says:
I dunno. At least till Tuesday.
this is screaming photo op. - xo. says:
Hang in there, okay? I'm sure things will get better. {:
sheep and daffodils! says:
<3
sheep and daffodils! says:
Im gonna do my best.
sheep and daffodils! says:
My dad and Kerri are freaking /awesome/.

Both my grandmother's are totally understanding and on my side.

My Aunt Sara is still gonna take me on an adventure Monday morning -- she's just gonna get me here.

So I have awesome people supporting me.

whut.

So my fingers still hurt.
And this is gonna be fast, cause if I dont eat soon I'll pass out.

But there is still a chance I might be able to go to Anacapa.
www.anacapaschool.org

Instead of San Marcos.
Which would have suuuccckkked.

So yeah.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. ;D

a can of kerosene.

Listening To : This Could Be Love - Alkaline Trio
Drinking : Waterrrrr.
Activity[s] : Knitting, tuning out the tv, thinkinggg.

So.
Apparently I have to go to San Marcos.
Lovely.

Like.
My dad was gonna look into Anacapa.
And I dont know why he didnt.
I really wanna go there.
And its so close! D:

But my other option was Bishop.
And all the guys from Mount Carmel went there.
So why would I wanna go there...?
Crazy. -shrug-

So yeah.
Im knitting.
My fingers hurt like woah.
Cabling is SO hard. ;--;

you're manic.

Listening To : Manic - Plumb
Drinking : Tang, lol.
Activity[s] : Watching Spongebob [kinda], laughing at my nailpolish, making Evangeline something.

Today.
Is a good day.
Im like, in love with my new medication.
Its so awesome. ;D
Im so alert and stuff.

I bought my first song today.
89 cents. xD
For Industry, by The Modern. ^^

Anyway.
I found out today.
That I didnt get back into DP. So Im kinda like, stunned.
Im not even bummed, cause I just can't believe it.
It doesnt make /sense/ to me.
How could I /not/ be accepted back into my highschool?
See what I mean.
It just doesnt make sense.

And like.
I dont wanna be homeschooled. o.o
I want to go to real school.
Cause I just do.
I want friends I can do stuff with.
I want a boyfriend.
I wanna be normal /so/ bad.

Also, a quick note.
DONT FREEZE NAILPOLISH.

all pretention.

Listening To : Red Stars - Birthday Massacre [I LOVE THIS SONG.]
Drinking : Tang!
Activity[s] : MSN, Olympics, face mask time!

Today.
Was insaaane.

My dad came by and got me at like, 9.30, and we went straight to SBHS.
Like.
Uggghhh.
It was such a freaky blast from the past.

Cause apparently my transfer/registration expired at DP, so yeah.
I had to transfer all over again.
So anyway.
We stood around so long I felt sick.
It was a major bummer.
Though walking through the halls with the keys to my dad's Nissan Altima Hybrid was fun.
I want a car now. xD
I like carrying around the keys.

ANYWAY.
So then I went to the office.
And it was all mega awkward at lunch.
Jason was like, dead silent.
And Joe called Eric my boyfriend. lol.
But more on that in a moment.

So anyway.
Then we go back to DP [for the second time by then!].
And the secretary for the principal is like "We might not have room. And even if we do, credits might prevent you from coming back. You'll have to talk to an AP."
And Im sitting there like "WHAT IS AN AP." But yeah.
So.
Even though my dad convinced me to go back, and now I want to.
I might not be able to.

[wtf my mom is interrogating me about the mask I have on my face. Im all self-conscious now. bitch.]

So, once I had like, forced myself not to cry cause school is a fucking BITCH.
I went to Dr. Ferguson [my /other/ psychiatrist].
And she gave me medication for ADD.
So I have ADD now! O:
Seriously though.
I'll be on amphetamines tomorrow.
Im so excited.
To see how I react to it, lol.
Like. It'll be so cool to see what Im like /without/ ADD. o.o

So back to Eric.
I texted him.
And was like "Lol Joe called you my boyfriend today."

And then later on, he was like "I just rolled down sand dunes, lol."
And I was like "Ahahahaha amazing. How'd that go?"
And he's like "Well, your "boyfriend" has sand in odd places. But it was fun."
And I was all "Oooh, lolol. Priceless. ;D Anyway. Your "girlfriend" has ADD. Lucky you. ._."
And hes like "Well, my "girlfriend" is still awesome, and Im pretty sure I can live with that."
I pretty much died.
Haha.
It was so cute.
Seirouslyyyyyyyyy.
I wish we could have had that conversation without the "'s. Yeah.

Anywayyyyy.
Tomorrow Im gonna get my eyelashes dyed.
With my Aunt Sara and my cousin Katie.
It should be.. Interesting.
I'll be on extended release speed.
Lol I'll never get over that. ;D

signs of insanity.

"You left the lid off the Tang."
"I havent had any for like a week."
"Perry!!!"
"I haven't either."
"Sure. Blame it on your poor sick mother."
"Oh psh. It wasnt us."
"Im so defenseless, and you blame it on me."
"I didn't do it!"
"YES YOU DID."
"NO I DIDNT."
"DONT YELL AT ME YOUNG LADY. THIS ISNT A DEMOCRACY."
"I NEVER SAID IT WAS. Im just saying I didnt do it."
"STOP YELLING."
"STOP BLAMING."
"YOU FIRST."
"We're like the bird and the clam..."
"NO WE'RE NOT. THIS ISNT A DEMOCRACY."
"... Right. You're the bird."
"... Grandma is mad at you."
"Good to know."
"I HATE YOU. -stomps away-"



That is my mum and I.
For the record.
She did the stomping.

Also.
The bird and the clam story.

There once was a bird.
He landed on the edge of a river, when he saw a clam just below the water's surface.
Delighted, he jumped forward, and went to peck the soft clam from his shell.
However, the clam slammed his shell shut at the last moment, trapping the bird's beak.
"Open your shell!" The bird cried.
"Remove your beak." The clam retorted.
The bird didnt want to be bested by his dinner ; the clam didn't want to become dinner.
"Open!"
"Remove!"
"Open!"
"Remove!"
And so they stayed. Until a large animal ate them both.
THE END.

I dunno about the animal part, but some tragedy befell them. -shrug-

over and over again.

Listening To : Eyelash Curlers & Butcher Knives - Jeffree Star
Activity[s] : Being miserable, damn it.

There is no music to fully describe how I feel right now.
There aren't even any words.
wtf.

My mom is going to the ER, cause her chest hurts and she's dizzy.
And I couldn't care less.
Honestly.
Call me a bitch, what-fucking-ever.

I was on the phone today, talking to Amanda, and I stopped talking when she came into the room cause I didn't want to hurt her feelings by being like "MY MOM IS FUCKING INSANE, WHUT."
And she goes "... PLEASE, Alyssa. Like you REALLY think I care about you enough to give a shit who you're talking to."
I dont care WHAT her problem is.
You dont tell your daughter you dont care about her, IM SORRY.
I ended up bursting into tears and running out the front door, and Amanda was like "woah."

AND THEN.
She called me dad.
And was like "HE THINKS YOU NEED MORE DISCIPLINE. LIFE WOULDNT BE EASY IF YOU LIVED AT HIS HOUSE."
And then he calls me and is like "Do me a favor and be nice to your mother."
And Im like "FUCK NO. Not when she says she doesnt care about me."
And hes sitting there going "She's sick, she says things she doesnt mean."
I dont care if she has a week to live, I would NEVER tell my daughter I dont care about her enough.
And hes like "D:< You're gonna do stuff around the house."
So I was like "FINE I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW BYE."

AND.
My entire future is pretty much riding on passing the CHSPE in October, but it turns out, in order to be able to take it, Im gonna need to register for Santa Barbara High, get a transfer, get it accepted, have an interview, and get transferred back to DP before my counsellor will sign it.
WHICH I HAVE ALREADY DONE ONCE BEFORE.
So it doesn't even matter if I study, if I CANT EVEN TAKE IT.

Will someone please kill me.
Quickly.
And painlessly.

AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF.
I have ADHD.
So I have to go to my OTHER psychiatrist tomorrow and be like "I have ADD. Help."
And she'll give me some medication that fucks up my life even more.
Because being tired ALL. THE. TIME. ISNT BAD ENOUGH.

Fuck.
i dunno.
Im not old enough to put up with this shit.
AND NO ONE SAY OTHERWISE.
I DONT CARE.
-dies-

I hate my life.
I hate my self.
I want to die.

Can you tell?

dream this.

Listening To : Remember Me - The Birthday Massacre -- on endless repeat.
Activity[s] : Reading Glamour, trying not to cry.

Its safe to say Im lonely now.
Thats both the first line to this song, and how Im feeling.
All because of one person.
Really.

I shouldn't let myself be so affected by something no one can help.
Its no one's fault that school exists, and its hard to get away at the beginning of the year.
Its no one's fault that he just happens to live nine hours away.
And its no one's fault but my own that I never talk to him.
At least now I know he'll think of me.
But because, and only because, he can't come down here to visit.
Which fucking SUCKS.

Seriously?
I am so bummed right now.
I dont even know.
Im in a pissy mood, and my mum is bugging the crap out of me.
My head hurts, I feel sick, and I know I should eat but Im not hungry.
Talk about being absolutely insane.

In all honesty, I don't know what I'd do if he /did/ come.
I haven't seen him since January of last year. 2007.
God knows how he's changed in two years, I /definitely/ have.
For the better, maybe -- hopefully -- but still.

And now Im gonna go back to trying not to kill my FUCKING ANNOYING mother, and reading this article on a CHICK WHO DIED.
What now.

Ugh.
Someone save me.
Im miserably in love with someone I never see.

-ominous music-

Listening To : The Dream - Birthday Massacre
Drinking : Water, water, and more water.
Activity[s] : Watching my brother play some weird game, MSN, AsdaStory.

So.
Today i went to Dr. Geis.
He thinks I have ADHD. Thats interesting.
If I /did/, it would explain why I cannot finish anything I start -- which would help me actually finish school.
Woudlnt that be kickass? ;D

Also, today, i went onto Simfinity to read Evangeline's story, and I had the nicest pm.

"I 'found' this, and though I didn't write/make it, I totally agree with it and thought you ought to see it.
http://i34.tinypic.com/zk27ar.png
<3"

Seriously. Sweetest thing ever. Im so touched. xD
So I was like "ADD ME ON MSN."
And the person who sent it is turning out to be totally rad. Go figure.
Seriously? No one has ever /told/ me, randomly, that they think I'm rad.
Except my friends, but yeah. xD
So its mega-cool.

...
WTF.
My brother, in this game he's playing, just got chased by a badger.
Hes supposed to be hunting.
"Oh my god! A deer! Alyssa, I found a dee-- ITS A BADGER. AND ITS CHASING ME. SHIT."
And now he cant go over this hill cause the sun is in his eyes.
So he falls backwards on his ATV.
Seriously. WEIRDEST GAME EVER.

Speaking of games.
Lately Ive been playing AsdaStory [lately as in the last day or so], and its really cute.
Similar to WoW and GW in gameplay, only its free. And a much.. lighter game.
As in, not as serious.
[& Im not obsessed with the Batman movie enough to insert "WHY SO SERIOUS?".. Even though I just did.]

But one of the major things is that you have a soulmate.
Which is fucking adorable. xD
Seriously.
They 'share' your soul.
So like, your EXP and findings and quest items and stuff. Its awesome. xD
So I have a soulmate. He's pretty chill.
He went all Sweeny Todd on me -- "Nothing's gonna hurt you while Im around."
I was like "Woaaaah reverse-pedo song!"

And then, at like 11 at night [my time], April and I were hanging out, wandering around doing quests, but while doing so, we were instilling insanity into the chat.
"PENGUINS HAVE FEET."
"And wings, too!"
And we were talking about where we live [April, at this point, had gome somewhere], and we were talking about California and how its gonna fall into the ocean.
And this guy goes "Yeah, that or we'll go hang with Hawaii."
And immediately Im like "Alaska can come too!"
And he goes "AHA. Someone knows what Im talking about!"
I ended up running into him in town and was highly amused. xD

Anyway.
Time to play this game my brother has. It looks cool. xD

BY THE WAT.
THIS SONG IM LISTENING TO. The Dream.
IS FUCKING AWESOME.
Kudos to my daddy. ^^

ants.

Drinking : Hot tea with lemon and honey.
Activity[s] : Talking in #social, petting Cuddles.

THERE.
ARE.
ANTS.
IN.
MY.
BED.

I dont even know WHAT theyre after.
But my BED.
EW.
Seriously.
Fucking creepy.

And its not like 1 or 2.
Its an ARMY of ants.
And theyre all on the curtains.

It makes me shudder just thinking about it.

So Im on the couch, curled up in the fuzzly blanket Jessica got me for christmas [I seriously need to tell that girl how much I love this thing. I honestly cannot sleep properly without it.], cause I went in a rescued it. ^^
With tea. Cause I think Im getting strep throat. D:

cherry chapstick.

Listening To : Myself eat Grape Nuts. I can't hear anything else over it, haha. [Oh, and Kill Hannah. Lips Like Morphine, baby. xD]
Eating : GRAPE NUTS. Lol. xD
Activity[s] : Playing Need For Speed [Im on Blacklist #7!], being contemplative. ;D

Im about to feel really guilty. ;D

We went to this wedding today.
Oh. My. God.
It was awful.
Seriously.

To start things off, everyone thinks Jeff made a huuuuge mistake marrying this woman anyway, which is never good.
Seriously, she just ISNT right for him. She wants to go and change how he lives his life completely.
She hates all his friends [including us. o.O I went over to congratulate them, and she was all "Thanks." super tight-lipped, nearly glaring at me.], didn't let anyone drink at the wedding...

The wedding itself was so insufferably Christian it was really off-putting. Like seriously. Every other word was Jesus. And I don't mind that, but the way the pastor guy said it.. It was like he was forcing it on everyone.
And THE MUSIC. Ugh. During the ceremony, they were singing this ENDLESS song.
The way the verses were it sounded like it was about love or whatever ["what gets us through the bad days", that sorta thing..], and then it goes "THE CROSSSSS." Like whut. D:
And it was all focused on the wife being second to the husband. If the woman believed that, it wouldn't be nearly such a problem. D;<
Shes a pushy bitch.
A pushy bitch that takes advantage of old ladies. O:

Anyway.
The reception SUCKED. The food was good, but like..
All the reception was was eating.
She didn't even toss the damn bouquet.
Definitely the most boring reception ever.

NOT one of those weddings I'll remember all like "Wow that was fun."
If I remember it at all, it will be because it was the WORST wedding ever.
LIke, whatever.

Anyway.
I hope, for Jeff's sake, the bitch is good in bed.
Cause he has nooo clue. xP She wouldn't let him have sex before marriage, even though she has an 19 year old son.
& If the sex sucks.. Thats gonna suck, rofl. xP

But.
Weddings make me think. xD
So now Im all dark and twisty and contemplative.
I seriously wonder if people think about me as much as I think about them.
People being one person in particular.
I REALLY hope he comes down here in October. D:
1 year and like, 9 months is long enough, damnit.

KHK, BETCH.

Listening to : Bleed Black - AFI
Eating : Watermelon Jolly Rancher
Activity[s] : Admiring my body art [rofl], Listening to Perry & Rusty play some shooter game.

HELLO. :D
I haven't blogged in a while, HUH.
Yeah, yeah, I know. ;D

So today.
Was Fiesta Friday.
Parade Daaaaaay.
I spent the night at my grandma's last night, woke up at 8 [offically woke up, anyway.], and got dressed. We were out of the house by 9.30. O:
Which is impressive, considering 'we' was me, Katie, Courtney, Nicole, my grandma, Susan, Aunt Sara, Aunt Karen, Bryce, Carla, and Melissa. O: [& I dont even know who this Melissa chick was, lol.]

But yeah.
So then we droooove down to the CC parkinglot. And I was there for a good half hour.
Then my mommy came and brought me home. ^^ Yay for mommies.

Cause see.
This morning I was up at 6.30, in pain, pissed off, and sick.
Seriously.
I stood up, and it hurt so bad I was dizzy, and felt all nauseated and stuff.
Fucking sucked. D:
I felt all hot and cold at the same time... And I was covered in a thin sweat.
I was freaking out. I thought I was dying. D:

BUT HEY.
This is what I just drew on my arm.
http://www.killhannahkollective.org/photos/albums/userpics/normal_KHK_Logo_Chev_BDP.jpg
Make the KHK black [the purple heart is still covering it, though], take out the actual words, and kinda move up the little v thingers. & Take away the black background, of course.
It looks SO COOL.
BAHAHAHAHHA.
Im awesome. ;D
Everyone's gonna be all "whut".
And Ill be all "Kill Hannah, betch."
And they'll be all "O. Lol."

^^