This is a lovely story written for me by my wonderful friend.
Its straight from IRC, too.
With commentary.
It made me smile..
Note :
'Me' is Panda, the author...
All the others are my IRC amigos.
Snow Greenie
as taken from #social
[ImOnlyAPanda] I trip on the tide of song birds rushing towards greenie. Greenie is understnadably alarmed by all the birdies. So she chops them up and cooks them in a big pie.
*** ImOnlyAPanda is now known as Me
[Greenie] I chopped up the birdies!
*** Greenie is now known as BirdieChopper
[Jessica] that is not the way to get your happily ever after
[Me] shall i take your story in less bird killing directions?
[Jessica] you guys need to brush up on your fairytales lol
[Me] this is a parody jess
[Me] and not avery good one
[Jessica] you have to put on a pretty dress and lots of makeup...and put yourself in harms way
[Jessica] and then...wait for some hot guy to show up and save you
[Me] greenie continues on her merry way, but the queen of the land, whitey, was all like, "no! evil bird killer! get your ass out of here!" so reenie left the castle and went looking for more birds to chop. finally she found a filthy cottage built for little people
[BirdieChopper] Okay. So Im in the filthy midget cottage.
[Jessica] hmm
[Jessica] well i dont think you'd clean it
[BirdieChopper] Probably not, lol.
[Me] there was a clearly posted sign that said: Do Not Enter, Home of the Seven Evil Cannibal dwarves." but greenie waltzed on in and started singing "someday my prince will come" this annoyed the local fauna so much that they filed a complaint with the board of directors of the forest
[Jessica] she was so busy singing and twirling she didnt see the sign?
[BirdieChopper] Makes sense, lol
[Me] so finally the paperwork was done and the dwarves returned to see greenie sitting loudly singing in their cottage. one dwarf said, "whya re you siting singing in this cottage?" and greenie said, "jes said if you sit around singing in a nice dress prince charming will come"
[Me] and the dwarves looked at each other and mouthed, "dipshit" but the ifrst dwarf said, "thats not a nice dress"
[Jessica] :o
[BirdieChopper] Omg!
[BirdieChopper] Am I in a stripper outfit again..?
[Me] and greenie looked at them and said, "shut up"
[Jessica] what?
[Jessica] when were you in a stripper outfit
[Targ] "again"?
[BirdieChopper] Uhmm...
[BirdieChopper] Nevrmind.
[BirdieChopper] Anyway.
[Me] then a voice came from above and said, "this is your narrarator, theres still quite a lot to get through, so sit down and shut up while i type"
[Me] meanwhile whitey was all like, "whoo! im the awesomest one here now that greenie's outta here." and panda said,"uhm youre not as awesome as cake or jess or me" panda was then kicked
[Me] so white used her magic mirror, which was actaully a painting, and said so greenie's out of the picture right? even though the movie is called "snow greenie" and were only halfway through" the painting came to life and said, 'nope shes in the forest with the seven dwarves'
[Me] and whitey said "damnit!"
[Me] so greenie was in the cottage and the cannibal dwarves were like, "youre an idiot, but you cna kinda-sorta-maybe sing and a plot device is nescessary. so if you clean up this dump you can stay"
[Me] and greenie gave him a sideways look and left
[Me] but the lovely narrarator of the story said, Mupupupup! and picked greenie up and put her back in the story, over her eloquently cursed protests
[BirdieChopper] Okay, so Im back in the story.. :/
[BirdieChopper] Do I have to clean?
[Me] so greenie cleaned up the seven dwarves abode, mainly by going into buy mode, deleting everything and replacing it.
[Me] and everyone in the thearter said in nearly perfect unison "lol, wtf?"
[Me] meanwhile white was plotitng to kill greenie because she had nothing better to do except homework, and complicated death plots are more fun than calculus
[Me] and your lovely narrarator forgets what the first deathplot is so shes sticking in an interlude an hoping you dont notice
[Jessica] hey
[Jessica] no killing greenie
[Jessica] the prince is supposed to rescue her
[JK11] Greenie is impossible to kill
[BirdieChopper] Rofl, I am?
[Targ] hes gotta have something to rescue her from jess
[Me] back with the forest board of directors, they closed up shop for th eday and went home. and the undersecretary said to his kick-ass gorgeous son, why are there so many princesses in the forest these days? i swear it slike the brothers grimm!"
[JK11] She has a bullet proof vest, invisible forcefield featuring 7 layers of protection, and reactive metallic armor
[BirdieChopper] Wow.
[BirdieChopper] Thanks for the info, JK.
[BirdieChopper] I dont know what I would do without you, sometimes.
[JK11] Erm, but don't jump off a cliff
[JK11] Insurance doesn't cover scratches to armor due to that
[Me] and kickass gorgeous son, whose name is KGS, was like 'oooh.... kewl'
[BirdieChopper] KGS.. Creative, rofl.
[BirdieChopper] Im seriously giggling hysterically, and my mom is glaring at me.
[BirdieChopper] Anf okay JK, Ill remember that.
[Me] anyway, back with whitey, she prepared a poison apple to give to greenie, mainly because she could not think of a more efficient death plot
[Me] so white poured the poison over the apple, and it turned lurid pink and she was like, 'hmmm that wont work'. then she put the apple in the poison, and it spontaneously combusted. finally she took a hypodermic needle, stuck it into the chat's couch and injected it into the apple. white then did a little happy dance and put the apple in a basket of peaches, so shed be able to find it quickly. she then walked of to find greenie
[Me] the seven dwarfs went off to thier jobs at the forest immigration service and on the way out, the kindlyest dwarf said, "whoa i jsut got an awful feeling of foreboding" and the others were like, "have some rum, itll help"
[Me] so greenie was home alone when an old lady came up to the door and said, "hello little one, would you like t buy some apples? fresh picked very good!"
[JK11] Is it a red apple?
[Me] and greenie said, "NOOO! I glanced up at the past couple of sections and youre trying to poison me! git you old bag!! git!"
[BirdieChopper] Oh no! Whitey was foiled! What does she do?! -sits on the edge of her seat-
[Me] whitey was finally approaching the cottage when she passed a very annoyed lady on the path. Whitey kept walking wondering why the poor old woman was muttering somethigna bout "stupid princesses, thinking the world revolves around them. there are people other than whitey peddling apples. bitch"
* BirdieChopper dies laughing.
[Me] (spoiler alert- greenei is about to have a very stupid moment)
[Bubo] Me: greenie always ahs stupid moments
[Me] so whitey came to the cottage and said, "hi greenie! want an apple?" and greenie, realizing there was no way that whitey would pick so unconvincing a disguise said, "Sure"
[Bubo] ok panda is trying to poison you
[BirdieChopper] Oh.
[BirdieChopper] Well, its a fairytale.
[Me] so she ate the apple and promptly fell over in a deathlike state. the alst thought in her mind was, "damn thats a good apple. i wonder if tis organic?"
[BirdieChopper] Snow Greenie.
[BirdieChopper] Hahahahahaha.
[BirdieChopper] At least I liked the apple.
[Me] then the kindly dwarf, who suddenly and inexplicably acquireid the name Bubo, said "ZOMG, soemthing happened to greenie!" and the other dwarves sais, "bubo dahling, shut up and drink your rum"
[Me] so several hours later the dwarves got home and found greenie lying seemingly dead on the floor. bubo then stuck out hsi tongue and said, "told ya so, losers." and the other dwarves said in unison, "my bad dude"
[BirdieChopper] Oh noes. :/
[Bubo] :P
[Bubo] wait im a dwarf?
[Me] meanwhile white was walking back to castle #social when she came upon KGS walking through the woods. KGS asked her, "Scuse me, are there any beautiful maidens in the area?" and white said, "this story is being told in #SOCIAL idiot! whadda you think? dipshit"
[Me] KGS thought white was annoying and bitchy, so he copied her IP so there could be a dramatic battle scene if the plotline called for it
[Me] meanwhile the seven dwarves decided not to bury greenie either because she was so beautiful, or they didnt want to smell her on the compost heap. whichever interpretation you like
[Me] so they tried to leave her oddly nondecomposing corpse on a glass plinth, but couldnt find a cute one on mts2. so they left her on the firewood pile under the tarp
[Targ] Oh dear, I hope the wasps don't sting her, they like living in firewood piles
[Me] then the dwarf targ (who never larfed at this, therefore he gets a crappy part) thought, "hey, lets sell tickets to see the nondecomposing dead chick!
[Targ] :p
[Bubo] ooh
[Bubo] are there refreshments?
[Me] and the dwarf bubo was like... "OMG that is the stupidest thing i ever heard you cant sell tickets without souveniers!" so the dwarves all designed gorgeous souveniers at the "Museum of nondecomposing dead chicks" featuring snow greenie and several wax dolls
[BirdieChopper] Im laughing so hard Im going to pee. xD
[Me] KGS heard of this new museuma nd was like, "that has got to be the least tasteful thing i ever heard of"
[Me] so he went to he museum and saw the most beautiful women hed ever seen
[Me] tenderly he leaned over her and kissed her
[Me] and the woman in question, being a wax doll, did nothing
[Me] so prince charming, who had just divorced cinderella, becasue she would hit the kitties whenever they ate the mice that were all over the place, went riding by. he saw the museum and was like, oh how droll
[Me] so prince charming saw dead greenie and was like, "ooh she doesnt look neurotic like old cindy!"
[Bubo] shes not dead
[Me] so he kissed her on the lips, thus getting the STD that white had given to greenie
[Bubo] lol
[Bubo] wait
[BirdieChopper] Damn STD couch.
[Bubo] you can get std by kissing somone?
[Me] but his breath was so foul, that greenie wok eup spluttering and said, "OMFG, your breath stinks!! she then passed him some convenient altoids,a nd went to take a shower. she had been dead for several weeks after all
[Me] so KGS was wandering by
[Me] again
[Me] ysee, he may have been stalking bubo, i ahvent decided yet
[Bubo] ah
[Bubo] wait a guy is stalking me?
[Bubo] ewww
[BirdieChopper] Rofl.
[Bubo] is he gay or somwthing?
[Me] and saw that greenie was alive and scrolled up quite a while in the log and was like, "ZOMG, thats one of the bitchy dead chicks at the museum! and i have whites IP! whoot!"
[Me] so KGS summoned white and ran away, becasue he was a wuss and didnt want to see the epic battle scene
[Me] which is stupid because its not that gory of an epic batle
* Bubo sees how this story is going to end
*** Jessica has joined #social
[Me] meanwhle white was saying, "what the hell? why am i here? shit its 12:30 EDT!"
[Jessica] dammit my internet died at the part where prince charming divorced cinderella lol
...
[Me] so prince charming went back to greenie and there was an epic kisisng scene. After that (i have to say after becasue they were like hyenas! I swear they were kisisng for like twenty minutes, yeesh!) they both got up on prince charming's horse
[Bubo] pretty
* BirdieChopper giggles.
[Bubo] whoopd
[BirdieChopper] I didnt know hyenas kissed...
[Bubo] O_o
[Me] becasue it s a fairy tale greenie was riding side saddle and once the horse starte dmoving she fell off in an undignified heap
[BirdieChopper] Ow.
[Me] THE END
[BirdieChopper] I LOVED IT.
[Bubo] wait i didnt die?
[Me] you want me to kill you?
[BirdieChopper] Did we live happily ever after? xD
[Me] ok
[Bubo] there was a battle scene wasnt there?
[JK11] No
[JK11] You need to watch the sequel
[Me] EPILOGUE:
[BirdieChopper] Epilogue.
[Bubo] hurry up then
*** jhd1189 has joined #social
[Me] the seven dwarves continued running thier museum of dead chicks, eventually netting 2.1 billion dollars and starting a software company that made microsoft look like a gift from god
[BirdieChopper] Wow.
[BirdieChopper] Impressive, lol.
[jhd1189] O_O
[BirdieChopper] What happened to me and the prince?
[Bubo] waitr doesnt that mean the soft ware companty was shit?
[BirdieChopper] Pretty much.
[Bubo] some dwarvees* Targ runs after greenie and saves her from prince charming
[BirdieChopper] Hey, youre one of them dwarves.
[BirdieChopper] Awh Targ, I feel so loved. xD
[Me] greenie and the prince were happily arried for several years, but the prince, being a romance sim, and a sim, got tired of greenie and left her
[BirdieChopper] Oh noes!
[Me] so she published her memoirs
[BirdieChopper] And then I married JHD.
[BirdieChopper] xD
[jhd1189] O_O
[Me] and sued disney for copyright infringement
[jhd1189] But we're cousins!
[BirdieChopper] Psht.
[Bubo] eewwwwww
[BirdieChopper] Its a fairy tale.
[BirdieChopper] I can do whatever I want.
[jhd1189] Haha we're actually not related.
[Bubo] more ewww
[jhd1189] In case Bubo believed me.
[BirdieChopper] Were related in his twisted mind.
[Bubo] more ewww!
[emoverlord] birthday related to greenie?
[Me] and so everyone was like: oooh rich snow greenie
[Me] and so she finally picked jhd and they got married and finally she lived happily ever after
[BirdieChopper] Yay.
[Me] THE END (FOR REAL THIS TIME)
