over and over again.

Listening To : Eyelash Curlers & Butcher Knives - Jeffree Star
Activity[s] : Being miserable, damn it.

There is no music to fully describe how I feel right now.
There aren't even any words.
wtf.

My mom is going to the ER, cause her chest hurts and she's dizzy.
And I couldn't care less.
Honestly.
Call me a bitch, what-fucking-ever.

I was on the phone today, talking to Amanda, and I stopped talking when she came into the room cause I didn't want to hurt her feelings by being like "MY MOM IS FUCKING INSANE, WHUT."
And she goes "... PLEASE, Alyssa. Like you REALLY think I care about you enough to give a shit who you're talking to."
I dont care WHAT her problem is.
You dont tell your daughter you dont care about her, IM SORRY.
I ended up bursting into tears and running out the front door, and Amanda was like "woah."

AND THEN.
She called me dad.
And was like "HE THINKS YOU NEED MORE DISCIPLINE. LIFE WOULDNT BE EASY IF YOU LIVED AT HIS HOUSE."
And then he calls me and is like "Do me a favor and be nice to your mother."
And Im like "FUCK NO. Not when she says she doesnt care about me."
And hes sitting there going "She's sick, she says things she doesnt mean."
I dont care if she has a week to live, I would NEVER tell my daughter I dont care about her enough.
And hes like "D:< You're gonna do stuff around the house."
So I was like "FINE I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW BYE."

AND.
My entire future is pretty much riding on passing the CHSPE in October, but it turns out, in order to be able to take it, Im gonna need to register for Santa Barbara High, get a transfer, get it accepted, have an interview, and get transferred back to DP before my counsellor will sign it.
WHICH I HAVE ALREADY DONE ONCE BEFORE.
So it doesn't even matter if I study, if I CANT EVEN TAKE IT.

Will someone please kill me.
Quickly.
And painlessly.

AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF.
I have ADHD.
So I have to go to my OTHER psychiatrist tomorrow and be like "I have ADD. Help."
And she'll give me some medication that fucks up my life even more.
Because being tired ALL. THE. TIME. ISNT BAD ENOUGH.

Fuck.
i dunno.
Im not old enough to put up with this shit.
AND NO ONE SAY OTHERWISE.
I DONT CARE.
-dies-

I hate my life.
I hate my self.
I want to die.

Can you tell?