Yes. Thoughts.

I cannot help but wonder.

Where people would be if everyone was perfect.
If everyone could say whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted.
If everyone could express everything they wanted.
If life was perfect, in that sense.

Life is an endless battle.
And it won't end.
Until the day I die.
And even then, it will continue.

Ill still make people cry.
Ill still underestimate the power of the things I do.
Cause no one will ever tell me.
But I wont mean to.
Ill be innocent.
Im not mean.
Im not vindictive.
Im a loving, caring, worrying person.
Everything I do, is me just trying to survive.
Trying to make sense.
Trying to be what I think people want me to be
And even then.
I fail.
Miserably.

Apparently, there is nothing to fail at.
But if there is nothing, then I fail even more.
It makes perfect sense.

However, the logic is lost.
I can make no sense of anything I think or say.
Contrary to popular belief.
I cannot even understand myself.
And damn, I try.
In every period.
Every moment.
Of every day.
I wonder.
I think.
I hope.
That someday, things will work out.
Even though they never will.
Cause not talking is the only way out.
A lie.
A terrible, terrible lie.
That could never be true.

Love.
Wanting someone to be happy.
No matter what it does to me.
Not a care in the world.
I think.
I even fail at that.
I refuse to see past myself.
Past this fog.
That I left myself in.
And no matter how much it is shaken.
I cannot get out.

Sometimes I wish.
That I didnt exist.
I have to go to school tomorrow.
And pretend to be happy.
Kiss a boy I dont love.
And try to forget.
And I wont.
Ill try.
But I wont try hard enough.
Cause I wont want to.