Listening To : Overload -- Voodoo & Serano
Activity[s] : Playing Dreamfall, reading blogs I really shouldn't be reading...

I have this really weird sick, hot, dizzy, sinking feeling...
Its like, a mixture of guilt, disgust, horror, confusion, befuddlement [lol!], sick amusement, triumph...
Either way, there's this lump in my throat like I want to cry, but Im not sad enough to do so.
Why would I cry anyway? Who knows. I sorta feel like I should, but there's no goddamn reason for it.
So whatever.

Meanwhile, I'm completely and utterly terrified to go back to school now, because there are factors completely beyond my control.
Crazy, psycho factors.
That shouldn't even be in California.
Because as much as I try to brush things off and be all like "La la la", I have a really, REALLY hard time not suspecting the worst.
Especially now, after.. everything.

I REALIZE THE ABOVE TWO PARAGRAPHS MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE UNLESS YOU CAN SOMEHOW GUESS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT.
AND THAT'D BE DIFFICULT, CONSIDERING I DIDN'T REALLY EXPLAIN THE SUBJECT TO THAT MANY PEOPLE.
LOL. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. MOVING ON.

Hi!
I'm 17.
I still haven't quite gotten over that yet!
I was filling out.. something for school, and its like "Age_____" and I almost put 16.
Because being 17 is really weird. Like, it isnt.
But it totally is.

SPEAKING OF. I'm really fucking terrified to grow up.
Because I really don't think I can quite handle it...
The responsibility of existing is a HUGE one. Its terrifying, 'nough said.
I can't even handle my non-stressful life, let alone when something happens and I have to keep a cool head and look at things objectively.

IDEA : Im going with my mum to pick up my brother from Jr. High [MY BROTHER IS IN 7TH GRADE. ITS AMAZING.], to pick up my tatamasala from Stan at the Greek Cafe.
And then were going to get some crackers or pitas or something, so I can eat it FOREVER AND EVER.
Man, I love that stuff. Its a greek caviar spread stuff.. And its delicious beyond all comprehension. ♥

Anyway.
Im also going through a really negative phase, where I completely hate myself.
I think Im fat [which is completely bloody ridiculous, Im aware of that fact. I weigh 115. I had a shit fit about that fact, because Im usually 111. 4 pounds, uh oh. But nevertheless..], and Im convinced Im a lazy pig.
And, the very predictable follower is that if Im not careful, Im going to develop a case of anorexia... Because Ive already made the connection in my head that eating is what makes me fat, and that since Ive been eating more, Im gaining weight, and if I were to not eat so much, Id be fine.
Like my dad said, at least Im okay with admitting that fact... But Im kinda scared of spiralling downwards into this trend of starving myself.
Which would be totally stupid.
BUT. I did finally accept Preston's offer to help me out, and Emily and I are gonna join a gym and go Mondays and Wednesdays after school. If I can have someone to do it WITH, hopefully exersizing will be easy.

BUT MAN.
My life is so freaking dull.
And now, to make it worse, everyone is in school. So even if I WANTED to talk to someone, they wouldn't be around!
How lame is THAT. :p

By the way. This song, Overload?
ITS AMAZING. YOU SHOULD LOVE IT WITH A FIREY PASSION THAT BURNS DEEP WITHIN YOUR SOUL.
:D :D :D



THERE YA GO.

Anyway.
I think Im going to go do something hopelessly idiotic again.
Like... Embroider.
Or play that stupid game.
Or something.
I was going to shower, but my mum beat me to it. Lame. :p