sad face.

I hate anything that is unreciprocated.
Because then, I just feel like a complete and utter fool.

I was talking earlier about how much I missed Preston, etc etc.
Well. I was all excited, because earlier today, he had said I would see him tonight.
And then this evening, he was like "Oh, I'll see you after I do homework."
And I was like YAY! Because I miss him, you know.

Well anyway.
I get a series of texts :
"Hey."
"Are you free?"
"Im not going to see you tonight, sorry."

And I almost burst into tears right then, because he'd been making me look forward to this [like he does] since 3 this afternoon. And so I convinced him to come see me.
Well. As he waited for his dad to fall asleep, i guess he [either accidentaly or intentionally -- which, due to the fact he never ever keeps his word and I can hardly trust him, is what I'm thinking...] fell asleep. Blowing me off. Again.

And so now I just feel like a complete idiot, because I really really miss him.
And he clearly doesn't miss me nearly as much.
And so I make a huge deal out of something Im really excited about, that he couldn't care less about...
Do you see why I feel so stupid?
I just spent 10 minutes trying to bawl silently, for fear of waking my brother up.
But geez.
It kills me to think I can miss someone so much, and have them not miss me at all.

And its not like this is the first time this has happened.
I don't even know, sometimes.
I have a seriously hard time trusting anything he says he'll do.
And that kills me.
And is making me cry again, just thinking about it.

Alas.

I can't sleep, but I'm off to lay in bed and stare at the cieling, blinking back tears and imagining a world where people would finally miss me just as I miss them.