cherry chapstick.

Listening To : Myself eat Grape Nuts. I can't hear anything else over it, haha. [Oh, and Kill Hannah. Lips Like Morphine, baby. xD]
Eating : GRAPE NUTS. Lol. xD
Activity[s] : Playing Need For Speed [Im on Blacklist #7!], being contemplative. ;D

Im about to feel really guilty. ;D

We went to this wedding today.
Oh. My. God.
It was awful.
Seriously.

To start things off, everyone thinks Jeff made a huuuuge mistake marrying this woman anyway, which is never good.
Seriously, she just ISNT right for him. She wants to go and change how he lives his life completely.
She hates all his friends [including us. o.O I went over to congratulate them, and she was all "Thanks." super tight-lipped, nearly glaring at me.], didn't let anyone drink at the wedding...

The wedding itself was so insufferably Christian it was really off-putting. Like seriously. Every other word was Jesus. And I don't mind that, but the way the pastor guy said it.. It was like he was forcing it on everyone.
And THE MUSIC. Ugh. During the ceremony, they were singing this ENDLESS song.
The way the verses were it sounded like it was about love or whatever ["what gets us through the bad days", that sorta thing..], and then it goes "THE CROSSSSS." Like whut. D:
And it was all focused on the wife being second to the husband. If the woman believed that, it wouldn't be nearly such a problem. D;<
Shes a pushy bitch.
A pushy bitch that takes advantage of old ladies. O:

Anyway.
The reception SUCKED. The food was good, but like..
All the reception was was eating.
She didn't even toss the damn bouquet.
Definitely the most boring reception ever.

NOT one of those weddings I'll remember all like "Wow that was fun."
If I remember it at all, it will be because it was the WORST wedding ever.
LIke, whatever.

Anyway.
I hope, for Jeff's sake, the bitch is good in bed.
Cause he has nooo clue. xP She wouldn't let him have sex before marriage, even though she has an 19 year old son.
& If the sex sucks.. Thats gonna suck, rofl. xP

But.
Weddings make me think. xD
So now Im all dark and twisty and contemplative.
I seriously wonder if people think about me as much as I think about them.
People being one person in particular.
I REALLY hope he comes down here in October. D:
1 year and like, 9 months is long enough, damnit.

KHK, BETCH.

Listening to : Bleed Black - AFI
Eating : Watermelon Jolly Rancher
Activity[s] : Admiring my body art [rofl], Listening to Perry & Rusty play some shooter game.

HELLO. :D
I haven't blogged in a while, HUH.
Yeah, yeah, I know. ;D

So today.
Was Fiesta Friday.
Parade Daaaaaay.
I spent the night at my grandma's last night, woke up at 8 [offically woke up, anyway.], and got dressed. We were out of the house by 9.30. O:
Which is impressive, considering 'we' was me, Katie, Courtney, Nicole, my grandma, Susan, Aunt Sara, Aunt Karen, Bryce, Carla, and Melissa. O: [& I dont even know who this Melissa chick was, lol.]

But yeah.
So then we droooove down to the CC parkinglot. And I was there for a good half hour.
Then my mommy came and brought me home. ^^ Yay for mommies.

Cause see.
This morning I was up at 6.30, in pain, pissed off, and sick.
Seriously.
I stood up, and it hurt so bad I was dizzy, and felt all nauseated and stuff.
Fucking sucked. D:
I felt all hot and cold at the same time... And I was covered in a thin sweat.
I was freaking out. I thought I was dying. D:

BUT HEY.
This is what I just drew on my arm.
http://www.killhannahkollective.org/photos/albums/userpics/normal_KHK_Logo_Chev_BDP.jpg
Make the KHK black [the purple heart is still covering it, though], take out the actual words, and kinda move up the little v thingers. & Take away the black background, of course.
It looks SO COOL.
BAHAHAHAHHA.
Im awesome. ;D
Everyone's gonna be all "whut".
And Ill be all "Kill Hannah, betch."
And they'll be all "O. Lol."

^^

louder and louder.

Listening To : Love Me Dead - Ludo
Drinking : Java Monster
Activity[s] : Talking on msn.

Im not a happy girl right now.
For one, I really miss Nik.
A lot.
And thats so weird ; its not like Im used to seeing him a lot.
But really. I haven't seen him since January 13th. Of '07.
And like, i was talking about him with Susan today, and.. I dunno.
Shes like "Well, its like, he likes you back."
And the whole time, Im sitting there, wondering if he really does, or if he's just being.. a guy.
You know ? LIke, I see him so little, he doesn't have to put up with me much.
So I dunno. D:

& My birthday is on Monday.
And I still dont really know what Im gonna do. D:
It seems liek all Im doing is going out to dinner.
Like, 89348 times.
Tomorrow Im going out with my dad and co.
Cause everyone knows how much I love my little siblings.
Ugh. Leia bugs the shit out of me.
Sue me. I dont care ; she does.
At least Im honest.

&& I hate being disrespected.
Its like ; there's someone who doesn't respect anything I say.
Will just completely ignore me if Im not talking about something they find 'meaningful'.
Not that their ideas of a 'meaningful' conversation have any merit.
I say meaningful things, damn it.
I just dont make a big show of it.
Im a subtle person, ftr. So I dunno.

How do you deal with someone who treats you like shit?
The catcchhhh ; I love them to death.
Go figure.

Split the ocean!!

Listening To : All Around Me - Flyleaf ; Walk On Water - Milk Inc.
Drinking : Water. Thats warm. Eu.
Activity[s] : Watching Strawberry Panic! [anime]

Wowwww.
I havent posted in my blog in forever.

Anyway.
Right now Im sitting on the forway.. Forway, wtf.
Right now Im sitting on the FLOOR. And yeah. Its all fine and dandy.
And Im STARVING to death, I havent eaten since...
Night before last.
Gaaaah. And its nearly seven, so its not like its early in the day.
Nearly 48 hours, ugh.
I gotta stop doing that. xD

And on top of that, its a million degrees.
So for the last several hours Ive been sitting [more like laying] on the floor, cause if I stand up I get dizzy and fall over. I dont do well in heat ; unless Im at Magic Mountain or something. xD

Speaking of Magic Mountain...
My birthday is in 10 days.
Im pretty excited. ;D
Only not really, cause Im not going to do anything for it. So meeeeh.
Not going to school for so long is a bitch. >.>
All my friends are like.. Not in Santa Barbara. -cough- New Zealand -cough-.
Wtf Firefox doesnt know how to spell Zealand. Its a damn country. xD

So this anime Im watching. Its kind of annoying in how strung out it is. Im on episode nine or something, and gah.
Aparently this one chick dies, though.
Haha, there are NO males in it. Its funny.
And its pissing me off. But Im too lightheaded to do anything abnout it, so w/e. xD

Anyway, mum and I are going to go downtown and EAT.
Hopefully I wont die on the walk down there. ;D
If I do...
Uh..
WALK ON WATER, LUL.
I dunno.
>.>

You only see what your eyes want to see. <3

I have some links for you.
xD

Music :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6SDMCLN5oM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJr3FOGNuwY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_rC2U2BRYg

Art :
http://terraregina.deviantart.com/art/house-of-cards-83363183
http://cat-woman-amy.deviantart.com/art/Frozen-83678919
http://sugargrl14.deviantart.com/art/Magic-82863551
http://edasmile.deviantart.com/art/Curiosity-82897959

Stuff by ME :
http://niyakutanda.deviantart.com/art/l-o-s-t-83337384
http://niyakutanda.deviantart.com/art/Oh-its-loooooove-xD-83661699

http://www.flickr.com/photos/greenstraws/2433161243/

Alright. Now that THAT is out of the way. xD

So anyway. Amanda's confirmation was THE coolest thing.
I cried.
FO SHO.
One of the readings pissed me off SO much, though.
It was like "Bahaha, WE ARE A SUPERIOR RACE."
But the homily thing, the thingy after the gospel?
The bishop delivered it, and it was beautiful. All about like, knowing that the holy spirit is with you always...
But still.
It was a nervewracking experience.
I forgot to genuflect, onoes!

I stayed up all night tonight.
Drawing things, both for my own amusement and for my little brother's state report.
It was pretty.. Unexciting, really. xD

Im reading this book.. A Game of Thrones..
It amazing.
But I have to read it in short bursts, cause its REALLY.. heavy? xD
But seriously! It is!
This dude sent his kid away, under the threat of "Go to The Wall or Ill hunt you down and kill you, and tell mum you fell off your horse."
Like wtf. D:

Im cuddling with the green blanket Jess got me for Christmas. xD
I love it so so so much.
Usually its on my bed, but when I stay up, I drag it out to the front room with me. ^-^

Uh.
Yeah.
...
Pretty much. XDDDD

The sad thing is, there's really nothing to /do/ on the internet this morning except listen to online radio and stalk deviantArt for interesting things.
Which gets old after a while.
And I've drawn ENOUGH. D:
I drew like.. A lot. xD

So I dunno.
Blaaaaaaaaaaah.

I See Stars ;; Can you see them too?

Okay so dudes.
My mother.
Is.
A.
Total.
Bitch.
And.
I.
Dont.
Know.
Why.

Like this morning.
Were going to Amanda's confirmation.

And hes like "Do we have to sit through mass for this?"
And Im like "I dunno."
And she flips out and goes "What do you mean you dont know?!"
And Im sitting here like wtf, going "Um. Ive never /been/ to a confirmation?"
And shes like "YOURE SUCH A FUCKING BITCH OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU LITTLE WHORE WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM."
And Im like "o________O;"

And the same thing happened last night cause I hadn't Mapquested the church yet.
Its so like.. Wtf.
I dunno.
Whatever.
I dun get it. D:
At all.
Period.


BUT.
Im going to a confirmation today. ;D

Vote 4 Cano!

So apparently there is this guy that is leaving the Blogger team, that ate very slowly without drinking.
Interesting, no?

Im addicted to music, lately.
I cant stop listening to it.
Music, and freeze-dried strawberries.

And my cat is frustrating me, he keeps getting sick. ><
Oh well.

Um.
Yeah.

Penguin. o:

Be silent, my heart.

This song is officially the most beautiful thing ever.
Cliff made me listen to it.
Well, watch the video.
But Im more obsessed with the song.
Its all in French, lol.
But I looked up the lyric translation.
Its amaaaaazing.

Tais Toi Mon Coeur
(Shut up my heart)
Dionysos ft Olivia Ruiz


For me it's time to throw away
My wooden heart and for good
It is the crimped skull of sparks
That I've just gave my resignation

Go the birds of my body,
Close your beautiful mouths to passion
The many love accidents
Did not always give me reason

Refrain:
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Oh, shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
I know only that who keeps it in

I make myself a stony heart
To become a big boy
That of whom you would be proud
And could hold a house

But a beautiful day like this you wake up
With an idiort idea
To excavate memories and dreams
In the dustbin of passion

Refrain:
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Oh, shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
I know only that who keeps it in

I have cracks
In my shoes
It is surely
My stony heart
that causes me self earthquakes
Shut up my heart

Shut up my heart, my heart is you
I believed that you killed yourself and she
Will not remember you
Moreover it is not worth it
To break like that
You will still frighten her
Oh shut up my heart, shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Listen to me. _ I do not recognize you
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Listen to me. _ I do not recognize you
Oh, shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you
Oh, shut up my heart. _ I do not recognize you , I do not recognize you

WITH A BITE.

I explained sex to my brother this morning..

Took half an hour.

Covered procreational uses, recreation uses, and masturbation.
Believe me, you guys.. Its NOT fun to explain. xD
Well.. It was actually pretty funny. Haha.
Poor kid. Hes traumatized. But he had to know.
And he asked.

Ill give you some quotes. ><

"You know how sex works, right?"
"Yeah."
"Alright, then how does sex work?"
"Uuhhh... Well, I kinda know, but not really..."
"Well what /do/ you kknow?"
"Well, I know that when a man doesnt want to get a woman pregnant, he puts this.. thing --"
"A condom?"
"I KNEW IT."


"Okay. And what do you do with the penis?"
"... Uhh.. You transfer genes?"
"How?"
".. I DONT KNOW."
"You dont know what you do with the penis?"
".. No?"
"Well it has to make contact..."
"With what?"
"The woman!"
"Oh. Um..."
"WHERE DOES THE PENIS MAKE CONTACT?"
"I DONT KNOW."


"Is it called the vagina?"
"YES. Now what is a vagina?"
"I dunno. I know its something only women have."
".. Well, thats getting somewhere."


"So then the semen--"
"Is semen like dark matter that we cant see?"
"... What the fuck?! NO!"


And.. My finger was our makeshift penis, and I have long fingernails, so Im like "Its a penis WITH A BITE."

And I should really stop now. xD

Things I miss.. Oh yes.

Listening To : Foundations - Kate Nash
Drinking : Water
Activity(s) : Writing a roleplay post, doing World homework, chatting online, singing badly. ;D

It is common knowledge that there are occasions when I need to be reminded to update my blog. This was one of those times.

So.
Um.

Today I went downtown with Amanda Wells.
It was incredibly fun, lol. I havent hung out with one of my friends in MONTHS. Literally. Months.
So it was the coolest thing evar.
We got frenchfries, and only frenchfires, at McDonalds. The people thought we were weird.
Weird people.
We also went pee in Saks.
Only went pee. Nothing else. That store freaks me out. xP

So. Ive decided to compile a list of things I used to love to do that I miss doing now.

- Talking on the phone with Zachary
- Talking on MSN with Peter and Kara
- Talking/Roleplaying with Paige... Leopards giving blowjobs, woo!
- My roleplay with Rachel.. It was so ridiculous. xD
- Eating quesadillas.. I just.. Dont like them anymore. ><
- Actually /talking/ to April.
- Going to Mt. Carmel.. I miss Ray Nowak. Go figure.
- Simple pleasures. Like touching a guy's hand, and dying in a fit of squeals.
- Playing Sims for hours on end. And hours. And even MORE hours. And /enjoying/ it.
- Thinking I am invincible.
- Going to Mr. Long's math class(es).
- "The fan blew my skirt up!" "Yeah, straight up."
- Dancing around to Britney Spears.
- Driving down the driveway on my mommy's lap.
- Playing silly games with Jessica. <3
- Thinking 'doing crack' was beating the sidewalk with a hammer till it cracked.
- Having my parents never /dream/ of mentioning sex to me.
- Adoring Barbie dolls...
- Not having a boyfriend.. ><
- Not having to shave my legs. xD
- Preschool. I miss being obsessed with Tyler, and fighting over which way was right, and which was left.
- "Shaina-nut, peanut, Alyssa-nut, walnut, cashew nut, cat-nut, lamp-nut".
- Shaina in general... Shaina Street.. xD
- Not worrying about what I look like..
- Being somewhat artistic.
- Being imaginative.
- Having my Grandpa Paul obsessively clean my nails.
- "Feeding the animals" with sugar water in my grandma's backyard, and purposely putting a whole bunch of sugar in mine, cause I knew wed drink it while looking out at the Bay Bridge at the top of the garden.
- Being.. little.